Seek Fulfillment and Contentment not Just Happiness
I recently went through yet another breakup. People who know me know I've been through the ringer when it comes to men. I've learned some unhappy life lessons, but mostly I've recognized that my ideas about the world were colored by MY values. The problem is, I compromised my values to be in relationships where I attracted narcissistic personalities. In fact, the word narcissism was only a concept I read about in mythology about Narcissist who fell so in love with his own image in the pond, he drowned.
I dated a man we'll call Ryan, which isn't his real name, but for my blog's purpose we'll keep his alias. I adored him until I didn't anymore. Trying to figure out fact from fiction with him was difficult. He's not the first liar, but he's definitely the last.
Today, I am single, happy, and dating. I'm vibrating at a different level. I have heightened awareness. When I see a red flag, I don't ignore it. It's cut and dried for me. I'm not suggesting people be rigid or unfair. However, when you're dating someone who consistently lies and gets caught, you shouldn't stick with it. A liar is always a liar. A cheater is a cheater.
I went on this one date with a gentlemen through a Matchmaker service I am using. The date went awful. This guy flirted with the waitress, talked about his niece as if it were his wife, complained about a business deal gone rotten, and folded his arms against his chest and looked down at me. Afterwards I spoke to my Matchmaker and shared the experience, which she apologized profusely.
She said this gentlemen has no other complaints. I thought about that statement. I said, "Maybe the other women didn't see these activities as inappropriate. Maybe they don't have a heightened awareness of appropriate dating behavior." Maybe if I had met this man a couple of years ago before my own awareness developed, I might not have complained either.
The point is my own personal development has heightened my sense of self-worth and what I deserve or don't deserve. We all at the least deserve respect and decency. Where women fail is that some of us think the man has all of the power. He asks us out; he gives us the first kiss; he decides if he wants to see us, etc. Truth is, WOMEN have the power. We have the most powerful strength of all. We have the one word in our toolkit -- and that word is NO.
Why I am happy even though I left a 3.5-year relationship? Why am I not still grieving the loss? (I felt bad for about a week, and that's all Ryan deserved from me.) I'm happy because I know my future is bright and full of love. I'm contented because I put myself in charge of my destiny and choices. I've empowered myself on this next journey forward. I am stronger, wiser, and prepared to take the helm of my life. I feel healthy and ready. (And the man I'm attracting to me reflect that higher vibration ... I'm not some broken bird anymore, which only invited more predators.) I'm a peacock with my beautiful feathers spread out in all their glory.
In the last few months of my relationship with Ryan (and really throughout), it felt like he had the power. He controlled every aspect of it. It felt terrible to feel like I was at the end of his string. Then one day I woke up and realized, no I have all of the power -- the power to say no! To get out of what had begun to make me unhappy. As Samantha says to Richard, the cheater in Sex and the City, "I love you, but I love me more..." as she returns his gorgeous canary diamond.
Her sentiments ring true. You have to love yourself. You can't expect others to give you respect when you don't respect yourself. So, I'm going to write my memoir from this renewed place of contentment and perspective.
My future is bright and full of hope! I am on a mission to carve out a new life where lying and cheating has no place. Onward...
OH, and girls Ryan goes by the alias Ryan Tucker ... watch out! He's no bueno!
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