First Word

3 Colonel Baptista After the bloody skirmish at SuperCon, I returned to my light-tight love nest. Donatello lay sprawled across our red-velvet couch. She was eating a box of See’s Candy presumable to restore her own blood sugar. She rested her eyes on my blood-soaked clothes and jumped to her feet. “My liege! Oh the horror! Bloody rags!” she gasped. I stridently walked toward the stairwell and upstairs. She trailed right behind me. I knew she was deeply concerned for her lover and master. I couldn’t stand to be in soiled, bloody clothes much longer. The horror and foulness of it all had my vampire blood boiling over in rage. I was in a bad mood and wouldn’t feel better till I was clothed in April fresh silk pajamas. Donatallo knew how much I despised messy eaters and blood droplets that stained clothes. I was a neat king and a very tidy eater – and this blood bath on my clothes would not do. I walked straight into my bedroom and whipped off the clothes in a blink...

Introduction Why We’re All Dead I am the last free man on Earth. I think. In vampire terms, though, I am a free-range human. Actually, maybe I am being slightly melodramatic. I saw the second-to-the last woman on Earth about three weeks ago when I was wondering the Apocalyptic Highway to Hell. She looked awful and complained about the blisters on her feet. No sooner did I meet her in her all tired and dirty, that night a vamp flew in out the darkness and scooped her up. I have no idea where the dude took her. These stinking vamps and their flying talents – they’re like those nasty spider monkeys and swoop in and grab you to carry you off to suck on you for weeks. They do feed you, though, to keep you alive so that’s pretty good. Some people kind of like it and become super happy companions with their dead masters. I’ve even heard of some vamps marrying their human food source, and everyone is all fat and happy about it, throwing god damne...

I haven’t widely shared yet, but I am working on a new book titled  We’re All Dead . It’s a parody of the vampire and zombie craze. Here is the preface so you know what it’s about, and then the short excerpt. Remember, it’s a parody even if the preface sounds somewhat serious. Summary It’s the year 3010 and the great Apocalypse of Death is nearing the end. After 50 years of death, war and destruction, the zombies, vampires and humans are about to take their last stand. At stake – the survival of the human race. Zombies and vampires have brought the human race to the verge of extinction. Now only a small population of humans have survived, which has created a great famine for vampires. The head of the vampires Colonel Baptista has declared all zombies must be annihilated. His rival necromancer General Doc Wilhelm, though, has a secret weapon – one that is sure to kill all of the remaining humans, and therefore, eliminate the food source of the vampires and destroy their race as wel...