First Word

I am considering writing my memoir. When I share my stories with people, they have said, "You write it -- I'll read it."  I recently went through yet another breakup. People who know me know I've been through the ringer when it comes to men. I've learned some unhappy life lessons, but mostly I've recognized that my ideas about the world were colored by MY values. The problem is, I compromised my values to be in relationships where I attracted narcissistic personalities. In fact, the word narcissism was only a concept I read about in mythology about Narcissist who fell so in love with his own image in the pond, he drowned.   I dated a man we'll call Ryan, which isn't his real name, but for my blog's purpose we'll keep his alias. I adored him until I didn't anymore. Trying to figure out fact from fiction with him was difficult. He's not the first liar, but he's definitely the last.  Today, I am single, happy, and dating. I'm vibra...

Q : What is Love in the Time of Corona about ? A : It’s a nonfiction guide written to give singles and couples imaginative ideas about how to still enjoy romance and fantasy even while self-sheltering. As the world dramatically changed overnight, many single people and couples had their lives turned upside down. Touching and intimacy are important to building a healthy immune system yet self-sheltering rules, in some cases, prohibit it. This guidebook will inspire romantic partners to have some fun and stay connected. Q : Why did you write the book? A : Everyone has been rightfully focused on the virus itself and protecting people’s health. I anticipated that once the focus shifted toward the sociological and psychological impacts, people would seek information to help their personal lives. Additionally, human contact and touch are a part of being human. With all of the stress caused by the virus plus the lack of connection, people sacrificed even more. ...

I posted this about weddings on Facebook: That's it ... SACRED. I kept trying to explain why I felt a real effort be put into having a beautiful and thoughtful wedding ceremony, and not something to be done lightly, quickly or on-the-fly. It's SACRED! That was the word , and it's a rite of passage that symbolizes your deep love and commitment. To not go through the rite of passage thoughtfully, genuinely and with great reverence for what you're doing makes it easier to throw it away and disrespect the union. The rising divorce rate and the idea that marriage is disposable has diminished the value and respect for the union. I've watched people literally get married and within months conveniently toss the relationship in the nearest "trash can". You could say marriage has become disposable and "recyclable" -- fail and try again. This accepted mentality has resulted in quickie marriages that don't  withstand the test of time, and a com...

All right some I'm now one year older. I don't want to write a serious blog today so I thought once more I would regale you (meaning the single guys) with ideas and assistance to help your online dating styles. As a "semi-single" gal (I'm dating just not sure who will win the crown of "boyfriend"), I do have an online profile. I do get dozens of emails a day. Yet of those dozens of emails, I have to date only answered one. "Why is that?" you ask with interest. Because of the following approaches that fall completely flat (and don't try this at home). 1. I've shared this so many times but it obviously doesn't work so here we go again ... just saying the single word "Hi". It doesn't work. Don't bother if that's the only syllable you know how to utter. How can you even start a conversation from "Hi"? You can't do much with it. Hi back? I don't think so. If your only original conversation start...

So I've signed up for those relationship advice newsletters. You know the ones -- Christian Carter and the like. He gives advice from the man's perspective for women, which I think is valuable given that a woman giving women advice about how men think probably doesn't work. I'll tell you before I get into my little "advice" (I use that word loosely) column that my only experience is my own. I've read all of the books over the years among them the famous Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus ; I've sat in the therapist's chair; I've done all of it. Here is the thing: I don't have trouble getting men to commit to me. I've never really had that problem per se. My problems go more in line with getting them and being happy with them. Getting what I want and need from my man without driving him crazy -- that would be my issue. So, what I'm going to say about "attraction" and commitment is from experience and the ability to att...

I thought I would start a little more serious a column I'm titling " Love Letters". ( You never know what's going to pop up on my blog. ) " Today's topic is about devotion. Inside the heart of every man There is a lust you understand And I'm just the same When all the love has gone away And passion stares me in the face Could I walk away Here's hopin' You'll help me to be brave Devotion save me now I don't wanna stray from the hallow ground I'll turn temptation down I'm asking you to take me to safety this time Forgive my thoughts when I'm asleep Forgive these words I'm yet to speak I feel so ashamed Right now you seem so far away So much confusion clouds my mind And I don't know which path to take Here's hopin' You'll help me to resist Devotion save me now I don't wanna stray from the hallow ground I'll turn temptation down I'm asking you to take me to safety this time Devot...

Here I am with my second cup of coffee in me (I try to drink only one cup, but lately I keep sipping a second), and I'm contemplating what I will share with you. Today ... hmmm ... let's go personal inspiration. Here is a piece of information: it took me 20 years to finally get my professional AND personal life right . I now have my company 3L Publishing on track. At the same time, I have my personal life working at an optimal level. I cannot really talk about the "what-went-wrong" part in my personal life, as my divorce agreement stipulates that I cannot publicly discuss it. I can, however, generally say that reducing one's expectations is the first step toward unhappiness. I used to say, "Expect nothing and be happy with what you get." My fiancé Kirk Donnelly heard that and groaned, "How sad." Yes, I was living a life of "sub-zero expectations." Are you living like that? Do you expect nothing from your partner, and then you're ...

Meaningless or important -- you be the judge LOL ... here are the things I learned in 2012. I will either make you laugh, roll your eyes, or agree with me. Here we go: 1. When you move twice expect your stuff to magically disappear with no clear explanation of where it went ... did it get dropped? Did the fairies swoop in and move it to nowhere land? Did the movers steal it? Aw the questions are endless. I am most specifically curious what happened to my favorite leather jacket! It is missed in the cold weather. 2. When you get divorced, expect your ex to annoy you somehow. My annoyance? Taking all of my jackets to the Salvation Army. Yep! I had quite a collection. There are now some poor people with a beautiful INC leather, full-length coat. Oh, I miss it! 3. Dating in your forties is way better than your twenties. The confidence alone makes a whole difference. I had more dates than I knew what to do with. And it was fun ... for a while; but then you know I'm really like a ...

So Bo Bradley, 3L Publishing's operations manager, and I are working on the book 20 Reasons not to Date THAT Guy , which we want to publish for Valentine's Day 2014. In the meantime, my astute and non-romantically challenged boyfriend Kirk Donnelly, who initially gave me the idea for the first book, declared he wanted to write the male version to help those hapless guys out there. His version has the working title The Stupid Guy's Guide to Finding and Keeping a Woman . So, he sat down over the weekend while we were eating and began his tentative table of contents. He came up with 11 things (so far), and I thought it would be great to share it with you all. Here it goes (and for the record, Mr. Donnelly practices what he preaches, which is why he got me LOL). Keep your woman happy -- it's your job! Listen to her, don't judge or solve Do what you say you're going to do in a timely manner Be a man of your word -- respect is imperative Spend time with her --...

Okay, I have to start off with an astute observation made by wonderful boyfriend Kirk Donnelly who whispers all sorts of sage wisdom in my ear. One day we were bantering back and forth in text and the discussion took a serious turn.  Suddenly, my phone rings and Kirk says, "Why the heck are we having a serious discussion in text?"  I started laughing. "I don't know sweetheart, why are we?"  "Text is no place to have a serious discussion, sweetie." LOL ...  And words to live by ... TEXTING is no place to have a serious discussion whether personally or professionally .  We are a strange techno society indeed. What is up with people using text to discuss important matters? I had a relationship where the person never picked up the phone and all the heavy stuff went down in text. First, text and email are cold media -- no voice, no inflection, no tone, and no idea of the true intent or emotions behind it. The only upside, you ca...

If there is anything I know is this: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the kiss of death when those behaviors killed your relationship and you expect them not to affect a new relationship. It's like the suggestion of doing something the same but expecting different results. When in a new relationship, use your old relationship as your instruction guide of what not to do again. Here are some fabulous tips to help create strong bonds with your significant other versus tear apart something that starts out strong and soon disintegrates. Now mind you I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but I am a student of life. TV killed the Love Stars . How many of you out there come home from work, sit down, and watch TV all evening vs. talking to your partner? How many of you actually eat dinner in front of the TV? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little TV here and there; but when the television becomes the focal point of entertainment in y...

A funny little peak at the table of contents for the forthcoming 3L Publishing book 20 Reasons NOT to Date THAT Guy . Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1 – The Consummate Liar: “Lie-pards” don’t change their spots Chapter 2 – Cheater, Cheater You Don’t Want Neither Chapter 3 – A What?! Commitment Phobia – Run for it! Chapter 4 – Tap! Tap! Tap! Where the hell is he? Chapter 5 – Negative Ned and You Don’t Measure Up Chapter 6 – Your Guts SCREAMS “NO” Chapter 7 – Your Momma and Your Friends Shake Theirs Heads NO Chapter 8 – It’s ALL About Him or Hell to the No! Chapter 9 – What’s a Bar of Soap? He Doesn’t Care About His Health Chapter 10 – “Wow! Your Best Friend Lisa is so HOT!” … NOT! Chapter 11 – What Do You Mean Everyone Around Me isn’t My Servant? Chapter 12 – What? You Need an Orgasm, too? Chapter 13 – His Dirty, Little Secret – YOU Chapter 14 – Generally “Goopy” Behavior is His Norm Chapter 15 – What? You Want Me to Spend Time With … Y...

Since my company is going to publish the forthcoming book 20 Reasons Not to Date THAT Guy , I thought I would give the ladies some good dating advice to help find the right guy. I've heard many stories, and I recently got divorced and successfully got on the singles market and met the right guy pretty quickly all things considered. In measuring out in my mind why I was able to meet the right guy so quickly, I decided to help my fellow single ladies. A few things before I give you all some helpful tips. I have been talking to my life coach Bo Bradley from the beginning of my divorce. I used her advice and guidance down to my decision to leave the marriage in the first place. I also talked to my girlfriends who dated a much longer list of candidates before meeting the right guy. So, I figured out some important points that even while in my dating process, I managed to stay friends with the men I dated, too. Understand what qualities you want in your man . Notice I didn't say ...

Since I've been single, I've been given plenty of advice about relationships and how to find, attract and keep a man. I receive this newsletter from a guy named Christian Carter who gives what I think is pretty good relationship advice. He's talks about attraction, relationship management, how to keep the fire burning, how to keep your man attracted, how to get him to commit, how to attract him back if his interest wanes, and on it goes. Now I've been single, married and single -- and now I'm in a serious relationship again and we're getting engaged in the near future. I spent this last year dating and meeting men all sorts of ways. Well, after reading Carter's often interesting and sage advice and reading classics such as Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and the Five Languages of Love  I realized one critical ingredient to not only attracting but keeping a man. It's not magical. It's not really a secret. Are you ready for it? (And I...

I am staring at a blank blog screen. I keep thinking, "I need to market my business..." I don't want to repeat the same ole thing. What do I say? Anything meaningful? Like why blogging is important, and I should be saying something here that will matter to women-owned business, business in general, and authors. What am I going to say? How about that my life is crazy and I can't tell up from down? Does anyone ever feel that way? You don't know if you're coming or going. I love being single again. I have been dating like crazy -- and that's fun. But at the end of the day, I still like that one stable point ... that one person who gets me. I do have someone like that in my life. He does get me. And here is what I should share with all single people -- and he taught me this ... don't try to control anyone. Let it be -- that is how you go with the flow and the direction of the current will scoop you up and take you where you need to go. And my next lesson, ...

It's humorous Saturday so nothing serious. In my newly single status, I have encountered so many different ways men try to meet or pick up on me. I find the biggest offenses seem to almost always involve social media or at the very least something electronic. Here are my top 5 picks that we'll sarcastically call: who are you kidding ? Here it goes from the bad to the worst: "Hi" -- who ever thought that monosyllabic "hi" was somehow a great conversation starter. Just so you know ... where exactly can I take "hi"? Seems to me not very far. Texting a stranger with "how are you?" It should be more like, don't text a stranger at all. Don't ask me how I am when I have no clue in the world who the hell you are. And why I am responding to some random strange guy from area code 209 is beyond me. Posting wine, roses, love cups or anything else completely random on my FB wall. Let me back up ... I don't even know you and you'r...