First Word

  To protect yourself in the online dating world- here are some great tips from the experts;   Some Rules to the ‘Online’ Dating Pool “If you receive a message saying something like this: ‘My friend saw you over my shoulder. He thinks you’re beautiful. I’ve found my girlfriend and am closing my account. Send me your email so he can contact you—SCAM. If you start telling me about your cancer-ridden brother and how you don’t really live in X state—SCAM. If they list their education and profession, and change it the next day— SCAM If they have higher education (i.e., Ph.D. or master’s degree), look closely and realize it is probably a scam, so pay attention.  If your phone number is one of those weird 1+… outside the country or state— SCAM If anyone ever insinuates or asks you for money of any kind, including buying his kid a cell phone, etc. —SCAM If anyone brags they can buy you the world (or build you a really nice closet)— SCAM. If they tell you tales of woe and...

Candee Annaud, author of Love in the Time of Corona -- Your Guide to "Safe" and Fun Fantasies provided answers to your questions... 1. How are people thinking about dating? Early on, many single people simply stopped dating. The initial Covid scare and the "self-sheltering" policies put too much caution in their hearts. It seemed easy enough, because no one expected this thing to go on for months. As things lingered, single people began feeling isolated and lonely. So, most singles I know at least dipped their toe into the singles waters again. However, it's a new world and no one leaped into meeting. Many single friends relied more than ever on online dating just to meet new people, which leads to your second question: 2. Will we see people moving more slowly because they are hesitant to meet in person? Yes, people have to move slowly. Now that some states are lifting restrictions on small businesses, people can go out. But ...

You ever have one of those weeks where you think: Is this my life? Always living and flying by the seat of my dress or skirt. The good news: 3L Publishing is just going faster than a speeding bullet, and yes I can leap tall buildings, too ;). Today I changed my profile back to my favorite photo from Santa Cruz and got an instant marriage proposal LOL ... here is the deal (I may shock you with this one or not). I am not kidding you. I get marriage proposal all of the time from complete strangers. Now I wonder who in the world would ever make such a crazy suggestion without knowing a thing about the person they are striking up such a serious "idea" with? Just a question. I've always wanted to comment on this topic and since aforementioned proposal just got messaged to me, I thought today was the day. I once had this diamond dealer in NYC made a ridiculous suggestion that he would (if I didn't say yes) "miss me forever..." Say what? How could you possibly...

So I've signed up for those relationship advice newsletters. You know the ones -- Christian Carter and the like. He gives advice from the man's perspective for women, which I think is valuable given that a woman giving women advice about how men think probably doesn't work. I'll tell you before I get into my little "advice" (I use that word loosely) column that my only experience is my own. I've read all of the books over the years among them the famous Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus ; I've sat in the therapist's chair; I've done all of it. Here is the thing: I don't have trouble getting men to commit to me. I've never really had that problem per se. My problems go more in line with getting them and being happy with them. Getting what I want and need from my man without driving him crazy -- that would be my issue. So, what I'm going to say about "attraction" and commitment is from experience and the ability to att...

I am continually amused and entertained by the social media "social" contingent out there trolling for booty. I am constantly messaged and asked out. But here is what I find the most a. aggravating or b. weird. Relationship status or invisible relationship status has a lot of meaning . First, relationship status is often hidden for reasons others may not understand (e.g., privacy and identity theft). In my case the fact that relationship status is missing is because (and get this one), I'm involved in a "private" relationship. I don't have it publicly showing for reasons that are private to that relationship. Not everyone wants to broadcast their personal lives. I don't feel it's necessary to post anything about it. Even when I was married I didn't feel the need to post anything about it. I am on social media primarily to market my business. If you're out "looking for Mrs. or Mr. Goodbar" why don't you pay attention to that pe...

I've officially been single now a whole year LOL. Having ventured into the single world and experienced all its "colors" I felt compelled to share some advice for the guys who are trying to meet me on Facebook (in particular). Now buckle up because the advice I'm going to doll out is super hard, you know, like rocket science ;). I am really messing with you. But pay attention guys because if you're doing any of these things ... well, you aren't going to get a date very fast. Tip Numeral Uno -- Spelling! Punctuation! = Literacy First, I am a writer and publisher, and that largely known fact is splattered everywhere on my Wall. So, boys perhaps (and this is a big insight) you might dare to think I value literacy. Yes, when you send me a barely readable message where every word is misspelled and you don't know punctuation from adulation, I'm giving you a thumbs-down. Simple attention to detail goes a long ways. Like you would with a resume, your mess...

I am in the rambunctious mood this morning. I got up at my usual start time to work, which is roughly 8:30 a.m. I have a specific routine I follow. And, of course I got to the social media posting, which I do daily to promote business, and what do I almost always have in my in-box? A pick-up line from some wayward fool who thinks that Facebook is the 21st century equivalent to Looking for Mr. Goodbar . What I thought would be entertaining for you, my dear readers, would be to share some of these scintillating pick-up lines. So, here we go: "10 Social Media Pick-Up Lines that Fail" (P.S., I am not dating anyway but rather on a self-imposed break from it ... so don't get any ideas here LOL). I'm going to start with the most "primitive" to the hilarious. "Hi."  "Hi ya." "Hi Michelle" "U R pretty" "U R beautiful" "You're so pretty" "Hi, I want to marry you. You are my one. You'r...

So now I have to make fun of the "aging" ads on Facebook . Can you believe she's 80? How you can look 42... blah, blah, blah. I looked at today's picture and thought, "Yes, I do believe she's 80! With a really plastic-looking facelift." Now here is what is really bugging me about these ads. Facebook somewhere in my profile has determined these ads would work for me. So even though I have no interest in getting plastic surgery, every day I am subjected to various cosmetic enhancements advertisements along with the latest ones of the "men" who are "seniors" who would date me. Great! So even though I am nowhere near "senior" status, I apparently need plastic surgery and to date these great looking old guys. Is that all I'm supposed to care about on social media? Cosmetic surgery and dating old guys? I assume Facebook has assumed I'm single since my status is blocked and no one knows if I'm single or in a relations...

Yours truly with Kirk Donnelly at Wright's Beach. My fiancé and I are making all sorts of plans and dreaming about our future and what we want. I was feeling rather discouraged and sniffed that at my age the fact that I no longer owned a home was depressing. I gave up a lot of different things in the divorce ("things" being the operative word). To gain my freedom, I had to free myself of essentially my material world -- a world I worked equally as hard to build as my ex-husband and yet had to give up. My brilliant, sensitive and caring fiancé slept on my lament and woke up this morning and said I needed to give myself a break. The divorce wasn't even final a year, and it takes time to rebuild. His last thought, "And you have love."  When I left my other life, I went on walk-about and then I sat back and let love find me. Kirk found me. I left my marriage to find love. Not the kind of love where the other person doesn't want to be with you. Not th...

Here I am with my second cup of coffee in me (I try to drink only one cup, but lately I keep sipping a second), and I'm contemplating what I will share with you. Today ... hmmm ... let's go personal inspiration. Here is a piece of information: it took me 20 years to finally get my professional AND personal life right . I now have my company 3L Publishing on track. At the same time, I have my personal life working at an optimal level. I cannot really talk about the "what-went-wrong" part in my personal life, as my divorce agreement stipulates that I cannot publicly discuss it. I can, however, generally say that reducing one's expectations is the first step toward unhappiness. I used to say, "Expect nothing and be happy with what you get." My fiancé Kirk Donnelly heard that and groaned, "How sad." Yes, I was living a life of "sub-zero expectations." Are you living like that? Do you expect nothing from your partner, and then you're ...

I woke up this morning. Sun shining ... check! Birds chirping ... check. Time to "check" social media. What do I find on my Facebook Wall at this beautiful dawn hour? A weird, illiterate poem professing love from a "friend" connection. Love? Who is in love with me? Well, it's certainly not my fiancé Kirk Donnelly. It's some strange guy I agreed to "friend" who goes by some odd name. Now I am constantly ranting and raving about appropriate Facebook aka social media behavior. BUT given that many people also use online dating as a means to meet their mates, I thought I would extol the virtues of "acting appropriately". Now I am being rather facetious here, and kind'a making fun of a guy who writes me a love poem -- or more specifically a guy I've never met who writes me a love poem. Perhaps we ought to start with the definition of love. Ladies, we all know that romantic love is traditionally shared among two people who actually (and ...

I wasn't inspired yesterday so I didn't blog. OMG! How is that possible? Well, I had some other things on my mind and two major projects to edit. So, you know ... life! Today, though, is blog day Friday. I am going to make a social commentary this morning versus actually teach my spectator friends anything relevant or important ... or heck! Maybe what I'm going to laugh about might actually be a learning point ... who knows. Here we go ... today's self-described "learning point" has to do with social media and the obvious. The obvious being that my profile shows that I'm in a "relationship" and the less obvious being men who overlook my relationship status and essentially go for it anyway. If you're a guy who doesn't wish to be shot down, perhaps you ought to observe not only the relationship status, BUT also the fact that I gush publicly about my boyfriend, too. Yes, if you really look beyond the superficial (my profile picture) and m...

The dating advice I keep posting on this blog is moving up our most-read items. Okay, so how I got positioned as an expert on dating is kind of funny. It seems we have some love lorn out there in need of a few tips and tricks. Well, I have learned some great insight into human behavior and dating that has worked very well for me. Of course, I am not suggesting I have always done the right things. I have definitely tripped and fallen with egg on my face and a few other trite cliches I could add to that sentence LOL. But before I give you some great tips, I must credit Bo Bradley, who is also my life coach and operations manager. She was constantly in the wings advising me carefully on what to do. Some of these tips are mine, some are hers, and some are just widely adopted and known by the experts of amazing books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus (great book, BTW). The man cave -- yep! The guys use it. My beloved boyfriend Kirk Donnelly denies use of the man cave. I on...

If there is anything I know is this: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the kiss of death when those behaviors killed your relationship and you expect them not to affect a new relationship. It's like the suggestion of doing something the same but expecting different results. When in a new relationship, use your old relationship as your instruction guide of what not to do again. Here are some fabulous tips to help create strong bonds with your significant other versus tear apart something that starts out strong and soon disintegrates. Now mind you I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but I am a student of life. TV killed the Love Stars . How many of you out there come home from work, sit down, and watch TV all evening vs. talking to your partner? How many of you actually eat dinner in front of the TV? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little TV here and there; but when the television becomes the focal point of entertainment in y...

A funny little peak at the table of contents for the forthcoming 3L Publishing book 20 Reasons NOT to Date THAT Guy . Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1 – The Consummate Liar: “Lie-pards” don’t change their spots Chapter 2 – Cheater, Cheater You Don’t Want Neither Chapter 3 – A What?! Commitment Phobia – Run for it! Chapter 4 – Tap! Tap! Tap! Where the hell is he? Chapter 5 – Negative Ned and You Don’t Measure Up Chapter 6 – Your Guts SCREAMS “NO” Chapter 7 – Your Momma and Your Friends Shake Theirs Heads NO Chapter 8 – It’s ALL About Him or Hell to the No! Chapter 9 – What’s a Bar of Soap? He Doesn’t Care About His Health Chapter 10 – “Wow! Your Best Friend Lisa is so HOT!” … NOT! Chapter 11 – What Do You Mean Everyone Around Me isn’t My Servant? Chapter 12 – What? You Need an Orgasm, too? Chapter 13 – His Dirty, Little Secret – YOU Chapter 14 – Generally “Goopy” Behavior is His Norm Chapter 15 – What? You Want Me to Spend Time With … Y...

Since my company is going to publish the forthcoming book 20 Reasons Not to Date THAT Guy , I thought I would give the ladies some good dating advice to help find the right guy. I've heard many stories, and I recently got divorced and successfully got on the singles market and met the right guy pretty quickly all things considered. In measuring out in my mind why I was able to meet the right guy so quickly, I decided to help my fellow single ladies. A few things before I give you all some helpful tips. I have been talking to my life coach Bo Bradley from the beginning of my divorce. I used her advice and guidance down to my decision to leave the marriage in the first place. I also talked to my girlfriends who dated a much longer list of candidates before meeting the right guy. So, I figured out some important points that even while in my dating process, I managed to stay friends with the men I dated, too. Understand what qualities you want in your man . Notice I didn't say ...

It's humorous Saturday so nothing serious. In my newly single status, I have encountered so many different ways men try to meet or pick up on me. I find the biggest offenses seem to almost always involve social media or at the very least something electronic. Here are my top 5 picks that we'll sarcastically call: who are you kidding ? Here it goes from the bad to the worst: "Hi" -- who ever thought that monosyllabic "hi" was somehow a great conversation starter. Just so you know ... where exactly can I take "hi"? Seems to me not very far. Texting a stranger with "how are you?" It should be more like, don't text a stranger at all. Don't ask me how I am when I have no clue in the world who the hell you are. And why I am responding to some random strange guy from area code 209 is beyond me. Posting wine, roses, love cups or anything else completely random on my FB wall. Let me back up ... I don't even know you and you'r...

Are you like me? Got a plan. You think you're going to stick to the plan -- and then boom! A curve ball comes from left field to leave you a little surprised. Your plan all of a sudden looks pretty questionable. We think we can plan. We think we can control. And in fact, we can't plan. We cannot control. And thus, the curve balls get lobbed, and we have to stop and think about it. Since my divorce, I have kept a firm plan in my head about my social life and dating. My plan is still in place (don't get me wrong), but I had a little curve ball tossed at me, and I started thinking, "Maybe I'll have to make some adjustments here." Isn't that what life is about? You can plan and you cannot control -- and sometimes you have to make some adjustments. And you know what else? Those unexpected people, moments and connections can be liberating, exciting and amazing. So, like everything else in life the best plan is: just go with it .

Join the number one sex dating hookup site and get laid today! Okay, THAT subject line just came into my in-box -- and I am thoroughly cracking up. I think (and think is the premium word here) that headline is maybe a centimeter up for this one: Go online and get laid by a hooker or man "ho" (new word for male prostitute). I figure it must be some sort of spam or virus, but it's so funny I couldn't resist reposting it to my blog. Do you think that site will get lots of click-throughs? Just asking ... vote and tell me LOL. Maybe I ought to change my tagline for 3L Publishing to: where you writing will get you laid! I bet that will make my hits and business skyrocket. What do you think? LOL

Maybe if I blog about this stuff enough, I'll actually have an impact ... do you think? Today's eye roll (and mostly this stuff makes me laugh because it's so ridiculous). Today's message on Facebook was about my sexiness and (get ready for this one), a question about what color my toes are painted! Let me see, let's keep a score card of come-on nonsense (this will be fun): I look "flexible"; oh, I had one strange guy invite himself along on my vacation; I also got an offer to spend a week in one guy's "Italian Villa" LOL (complete stranger invites me to his villa ... that's a good one ... where do I get a plane ticket? Ha! Kidding); and today's stupidity ... what color are my toes painted? Here is a way better question, "What planet are you from?" Oh, I also had another guy after I told him I wasn't available keep insisting I send him my email address ... you know, so we can be friends. Of course I did not send my email...