First Word

1 I arrived at the pristine offices where, as usual, Erin the receptionist, greeted me with a warm smile. Every time I saw Erin, I intended to ask her out to drinks. She was so sweet and charming. I knew she would make a great girlfriend. She offered the requisite Perrier and brought it out and placed it on a coaster in front of me. I was nervous. I had not seen Kale in weeks. He had been in Arizona on the set of his new movie. I missed him even though I had no right to miss him. I had thought about calling him several times, but realized he needed time and distance away from me. As I sipped my Perrier, Erin smiled at me. “You look so pretty,” she offered. I looked down at my collared, white blouse and silver-colored skirt. I had dressed conservatively but sexy enough to remind Kale of what he was missing. I was a screenwriter now, after all, and I ought to dress the part. I had long since ditched my bikini shop dresses with the awful, suggestive slogans...

As a traveling publisher, I meet all kinds of readers and people in general. So for your entertainment, we're going to use our Friday Morning Musing to quote the funniest things or comments I hear from readers. "I don't like books." -- book festival patron(s) "Do you read a lot?" -- someone wondering about my love of reading (I'm a publisher and editor) "Is this a real publishing company?" -- I am inevitably asked this in my booth space with about 50 books in my display. Now here are the funniest things authors say. I want to give you a preemptive strike. If you get the actual publisher on the phone, don't say any of these things. It will be a huge strike against you, and a publisher's time is precious. It's a deadline-driven business. "My first chapter sucks." "I don't know what my book is about." "I don't think it will sell." "It's not very good." I realize you prob...