First Word

The thing about writing funny scenes (for me) is that I can't force the humor. If you stand there and tell me, "Be funny now," I'll stare at you with one of those blank deer looks. In fact, I would be terrible if someone asked me to write in a group and make it funny. Again, blank, uncomfortable stare on my face and absolutely no idea. Yet throw me in a situation where human behavior takes place at random, and I become the narrator of the place. Better yet, do something annoying, and I don't get annoyed, I just make a string of quips. When I'm writing humorous material, I have to be left alone with my quirky mind to run amok on the page. What truly amazes me is when I start a scene and the material evolves on its own without a direct push from my logical thinking. Here is one of my favorite jokes from the script Beauty School . Let me set the scene, our resident fool Bo is attempting to do a little girl's hair with some funny consequences from his own in...

Sweetness yanks Chaz in by the collar and spits in his face. SWEETNESS I’m going to warn you but once. I find out differently -- you got an agenda, I’m going to kill you. Chaz GULPS, and Bo chimes in. BO  You know that’s a felony. (To Chaz) yeah man, that’s like illegal in nine states. Note the Universe and hopefully Alexander Skarsgård: I want you to play the weird, little idiot Bo. If you're in the business and a producer, please feel free to email me a request for the full script to michelle@3LPublishing.com. I'll get you a PDF version for review. This script has already been reviewed by several producers who plan to meet with me about, but I am open to other interested parties.

Bad dialog can kill a great book or screenplay. When I run across terrible dialog, I literally cringe and grit my teeth. In fact, when I receive submissions loaded with bad dialog, that alone can kill my interest. What constitutes weak dialog? Here are some tips. Everyone sounds the same . What happens is that every character sounds alike, which is really a problem of the author's voice is being applied to all of the characters. I've read books where you could tell the difference between the dialog and the narrative. Your characters each have to have their own voices. A great technique to solve this problem is to find words or phrases one character constantly uses while the others don't use at all. Something as simple as making one always use profanity while the other one does not (of course the profane dialog needs to also apply to the right character and demographic of that character). In my book California Girl Chronicles , Kale, a main love interest, always calls her ...

It's a great treat when you get with a clever or dead-on one-liner. Here are some of my favorites: "I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her stupid name!" ~ Pam, True Blood " You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless ." ~ Eric, True Blood "I'm Bozo the bush !" ~ Samantha, Sex in the City “You've got funky -tasting spunk." ~ Samantha, Sex in the City   "Turn and we're money." ~ Sergeant Brad Colbert, Generation Kill “ Gentlemen , from now on, we ' re gonna have to earn our stories .” ~ Sergeant Brad Colbert, Generation Kill "This ain't no bath mat, man. It's micro fibers." ~ Bo, Beauty School "Any girl who says size doesn't matter has a small boyfriend." ~ Brea, California Girl Chronicles

INT. CHAZ’S HOUSE - EVENING The room is loaded with guys, all drinking beer, and TALKING. Two more of Chaz’s buddies -- LITTLE FRANKIE, a true short black guy who wears swim trunks like shorts with a wife- beater T-shirt, glasses and low-cut, afro-style hair; and AUSTIN, a lanky, tall, dark-haired geek who wears jeans and a T-shirt with an actual tie around his neck; both stand out. CHAZ  Guys! You ready? Little Frankie let’s out a GROAN as soon as his butt hits the seat cushion and leaps back up. LITTLE FRANKIE  What the fuck?! He smells his wet hand. LITTLE FRANKIE (CONT’D)  Is that mother-fucking piss? He looks down at a wet spot. Bo comes in and tosses down a towel. BO  Yep, Lemur took a whizz. Sorry man. CHAZ  Shit, Bo, you said ... BO  Yeah, man, OK all right. It’s just a little ‘wetty’. LITTLE FRANKIE  Fuck off! Did you just say ‘wetty’?

This quote comes from True Blood News :  But during an interview in September, no demons were displayed, not even a hint of a shadow. Alexander Johan Hjalmar Skarsgard (he goes by Alex) was born and raised in Stockholm, but unless he’s pronouncing Scandinavian words, his accent is husky American, and his conversation is a steady burble of positivity, all about luck and gratitude and the “great energy” he’s feeling around him . And that attitude and outlook is exactly why I want my script Beauty School and my series California Girl Chronicles to get to him. This is an actor who has every reason to let his ego run wild yet he gets the big "spiritual" get! I'm not sure I agree with the idea of pure luck (I think we make our own luck happen), but this very outlook on life is why I want him for my projects. Bringing all that "great energy" right along with him -- and I promise I'll bring my own ;). And funny enough, if things go as planned, we'll be one deg...

Wow! Here is a really cool goal. Get Google Alerts every day on my new book series California Girl Chronicles . Can you imagine the publicity built up when Google Alerts go out every day with your book title or name? You know you've reached a ground swell of interest when you get alerts every day of the week. I like this idea a lot. If you're reading this and don't know what is a Google Alert then please let me share. If you use Google you have alerts. You can set your alerts to a keyword like your name or title, and the little "spiders" on the Web crawl out and gather information associated with your name or title. It's super easy to use and free. As a publicist, I put client's keywords so I can track what is going on with their books and results we're getting. You don't have to be a publicist, though, to do alerts. Famous people and products have a deluge of alerts each day! I will know California Girl is a best-seller when she gets alerts every ...

I am finding a good laugh hard to come by these days, but I really need some serious chuckles. When I did First Word Radio the other day, we had two great interviews -- one with an actress and exotic dancer Kendall Lake from my all-time favorite show True Blood . Kendall was a sweetheart and very kind in regards to my family situation. I was super excited to dish on the show with her. In a twist of fun irony, I had tried to "friend" my favorite True Blood actor Alexander Skarsgârd on Facebook. I wrote him a note and laughed that he should friend me because you never know when our paths might cross -- turns out they sort of did. I told Kendall to tell him he should have friended me -- and she thought it was funny and said she would (as if he really cares), but in other more amusing tales. I read his interview with GQ magazine while we were in Alaska, and if you read the interview, then you know Skarsgârd loves to whale watch. Well, I was actually, and this is funny, whale wat...