Kitty Wisdom: Bad Kitties

 

I only wish I had caught this on video … Slurpee got up on the kitchen counter and like a bandido in fine criminal style, pulled a bag of bread down to the ground. By the time we caught him mid-steal, he had trotted off to my daughter’s bedroom with the bag in his mouth. His plan, you ask? To eat his stash under the bed. Speaking of that bed, we discovered that both Slurpee and Icee had started stealing food (cans of cat food, bread, etc.) and eating it under the bed. To suggest that cats don’t know exactly what they’re doing is wrong. The little buggers knew they would be in trouble for stealing and hoarding food, so they hid it. It reminded me of the person who hides food they know they’re not supposed to eat. But, the image of Slurpee swiping that bread and heading off to the bedroom with the loaf in his mouth … well, priceless! He looked like a dog with a ball in his mouth.

I used to read this book series called Bad Kitties by Nick Bruel to my daughter Cambria when she was a little girl. She loved it! Book titles included Bad Kitty Goes to the Vet, Bad Kitty Gets a Bath, Bad Kitty Drawn to Trouble, etc. In fact, when I initially thought about writing Kitty Wisdom, I thought about doing it like this children’s book series (I’m also an artist and illustrator); however, no one writes “Bad Kitty” stories better than Bruel. I loved the books, because they highlight all kinds of funny cat situations, with of course, grains of truth in them.

I admit, I have yelled “bad kitty” on many occasions. Actually, I spend about 70 percent of my time saying, “No, it’s not dinner time,” as they beg for food throughout the day. I’ve said it so much that all I have to do now is say, “NO!”

I often break into lecturing them. “You know it’s not dinner time. So quit asking”

“But, it’s almost dinner time,” argues Slurpee.

“Almost” in Slurpee language means at least two hours before typical feeding time. I must say, he can be committed to meowing for food anytime I take one step toward the kitchen. It’s so annoying that I often trip over them as they squirm around my legs.

Icee, on the other hand, looks wide-eyed and says, “Yes, I agree with Slurpee.” Icee has this “who-me” look on his face all of the time. My daughter dared to call him “smooth in the brain,” and I got offended for him. “He’s not smooth in the brain,” I always reply.

Icee is more like this quiet force of nature. He can be stealth when he wants something and far less obvious about it than Slurpee who makes more noise and calls attention to his naughtiness. Icee though just acts naughty … quietly. He’s so silent when he’s up to no good that I am surprised when I catch him in the act. The act is him getting up on the kitchen counters where he absolutely knows he doesn’t belong. I will grab the squirt gun and tell him, “Bad kitty! Get down!”

Let’s talk about the squirt bottle for a moment. Some experts say that it only makes them associate the squirt with you and direct their negative feelings toward you. Others suggest it’s a great technique to teach them not to do certain behaviors. In my opinion, it probably does make them irritated toward you and it doesn’t really deter the undesired behavior. It does, though, get them to get down or off or whatever you need them to do. So, in that sense it works. I could squirt Slurpee, in particular, to get off the counters a dozen or more times – all in a row – and it won’t stop him. He eventually stops to lick the water off his fur, but if, say, you leave chicken on the counter, he’ll be right back to try and steal some of it. Icee doesn’t have the same stubborn tenacity. I can squirt him once and that seems to be enough.  

I don’t think I’ve ever owned a kitty that didn’t get on the kitchen counters. The countertops are to kitties what catnip is to them – they just can’t seem to stop themselves. So, we keep the squirt bottle on the ready in the dining area. It’s up to you as to whether or not you want to use the bottle. You might research some other training tips, but I have found this technique is at least temporarily effective. I even saw some cat owners put down tinfoil on all of the counters. A tinfoil-covered kitchen isn’t aesthetically pleasing, so I don’t see that as an option. Other people suggest putting the cat tree in the kitchen. Nope – that didn’t work either. I’m telling you, cats just can’t seem to stay off the counters no matter what you try to do.

The other area of annoyance involves what I call “cup-tipping” games. Icee has never partaken in cup-tipping. On the other hand, Slurpee uses cup-tipping as a way to get my attention, especially when the glass sits on my nightstand next to the bed. In fact, now that I am thinking about it, he only tips cups on the nightstand. My former cat Bill was a literal menace when it came to cup-tipping. It got to the point where I didn’t dare leave an unattended cup, especially one filled with liquid on any flat surface whatsoever. He tipped so many coffee mugs on my desk that he destroyed five keyboards. I saw the most hilarious video on TikTok where the cat went to slide the cup off the tabletop and the owner said, “Do it and I’ll kill you!” Little gray cat gingerly used his little paw to slide the glass back the other direction – message received!

Cup-tipping though isn’t the most damaging activity. Slurpee, who loves to stare outside, as does Icee, managed to chew out a perfectly square “portal” in the front-window blinds. Slurpee must be skilled in geometry, because that portal is seriously a perfect square. We will have to replace the blinds, but for now, it’s pretty cute to see him peering out his portal. He can sit staring out of the portal for hours and hours. He gets excited when neighborhood cats come visit or he watches a squirrel climb up and jump around in the big tree. He also becomes intrigued when sparrows, finches, blue jays, hummingbirds, and the occasional woodpecker show up for entertainment. We recently had a rare encounter with a flock of Cedar Waxwings that came to eat up the berries in our gutter. I can only imagine Slurpee’s glee with hundreds of birds in the yard. Icee tends to stare at the birds through the back sliding-glass door. He doesn’t sit very often and use Slurpee’s portal – or maybe Slurpee doesn’t like to share his window seat.

We absolutely don’t let Icee go outside, but Slurpee gets outdoor privileges. Why, you ask, and maybe even comment that doesn’t seem fair. “Yeah, Mom! Not fair,” I can hear Icee’s protest as I write these words. Icee got restricted because he’s clumsy. The first time he managed to escape, he came home with a nice-sized gash on his rear flank. It took months for the gash to fully heal, and it left behind a random white fur patch where it healed over. Since Icee tends to crash about the house and inadvertently hit random walls and furniture, we feel it’s safer (and avoids unexpected vet bills) to keep him inside. I know it doesn’t sound fair, but oh well …

Slurpee, though, gets let out right before his morning breakfast. Detlef wakes up around 6:00 a.m. and feeds the cats breakfast. Before he feeds them, he lets Slurpee go outside to frolic for a little while. Then Detlef lures him back into the house by shaking the cat-food container to entice him inside. Slurpee will return on his own without the proverbial container shake if he knows Detlef has fed Icee without him. Slurpee lunges at the sliding-glass door and gets up on his hind legs and stands upright as he tries to get in. We watch him in amusement.

“Oh, now you want inside…”

“Yes, yes, yes, now please! I see food!”

As noted, food or even the slightest whiff of food brings all kitties running faster than a race car. Their ears are so tuned in that even the slightest sound of a can of cat food being opened or dry food being poured into a bowl – and whoosh! They’re off! It’s Slurpee by a whisker (although I’ve seen Icee give Slurpee a run for his money). Never underestimate the power of food to entice your cat to come faster than you can blink and grin.

We recently had another bad kitty experience with food being stashed under my daughter’s bed. I had just prepared chicken and left it on the cutting board to be covered in Panko breading to fry. I moved away from the counter for a mere split-second when I turned back and Slurpee had an entire chicken thigh in his mouth. He greedily raced to my daughter’s bedroom to enjoy his gourmet meal under the bed. I chased him (frankly concerned he would over-gorge on that chicken). When I got into the bedroom, a dour smell of urine penetrated my nostrils. “Ugh!” Someone peed on the carpet – no! I know it wasn’t Icee. Slurpee is the bad behavior cat, not Icee. Fortunately, I had just done a review of pet odor remover products for Rental Housing Magazine, which I am the editor. I thought, “Never a better moment to really try these products out.” It’s super important to remove the odor, which is a way that Slurpee marked his territory. You don’t want the urine to build up and ruin the carpet. Nothing smells worse than cat pee – and it’s hard to get out if you don’t catch it in time. Once I cleaned it up, I closed the door so he can’t return to the scene of the crime and become a repeat offender. If you can somehow keep your kitty away from where he peed, the odor remover will do its job.

Kitty Wisdom: it’s not enough to get a standard odor remover product. You need to invest in one with enzymes that eat up the urine. I used several and found that Pupford – Oops Eraser (www.pupford.com) worked splendidly. It’s a pleasant orange-scented, all natural stain and odor eliminator.

Kitty Wisdom: male cats will spray their territory if you don’t get them neutered. You don’t want random spray around your house. You can get your cat neutered between six- to eight-weeks old, but most vets will do it between four- and six-months old. I strongly recommend you do it as young as possible so they never develop this bad habit. Both of my cats have been neutered since you cannot take them from a rescue without having them fixed.

Then we noticed something strange. Slurpee began trying to get back into Cambria’s bedroom. We wondered why since he had not been previously interested in that room. After several days of Slurpee’s persistent behavior to get back in the room, we discovered why. The little food hoarder had managed to create quite a stash of food underneath the bed. Upon inspection, Detlef found two chunks of unopened cheese blocks that had been gnawed through the plastic wrap, empty cans of cat food, chewed-up bread, and debris. Wow! No wonder the room smelled off (aside from the urine, of course). So, once more we cleaned out the old food, deodorized the carpet again, and vacuumed. Then we closed the room back up. Once the food got removed, Slurpee quit trying to break in. We will keep a close eye on it to prevent him from doing anymore damage.

We also deal with the cats constantly scratching our furniture. As noted in an earlier chapter, we recently bought a new sectional sofa. Brand new, and the first new sofa I had bought in 15 years. I looked at the sectional in Costco and loved it; however, a little voice in my head warned, “Hey! That fabric is a little too cat friendly!” Yep! The moment we got the sectional installed, Slurpee showed up to christen it with his claws. Darn! I knew it. No one wants their new furniture wrecked. We ordered some clear tape strips to cover up the base and bought big, beautiful blankets to go over the top. On both counts, it effectively stopped him from scratching – sort’a. I swear he can find an uncovered place and do it anyway. Icee doesn’t do it. He loves to scratch the various posts we have spread about the house. He loves this fish-shaped scratching one the best.

We’ve also had problems with the cats scratching up the carpet in front of closed doors. Since we don’t like to be pounced on (or woken up with Slurpee “brushing” my hair with his paws), we close our bedroom door. Slurpee and Icee get demanding when they want to be fed breakfast and both began clawing underneath the door and damaging the carpet. Then at various times, each kitty has been inadvertenly locked in my walk-in closet. They also started to damage the carpet under that door, too. Next, Slurpee likes to be with Detlef in the bathroom while he shaves. If Detlef doesn’t let him immediately in, he starts scratching under that door. So, we went to Costco and invested in small area rugs we could slide under the door to protect the main carpet – problem solved. If they ruin an inexpensive throw rug, it’s not a big deal. Now they scratch those rugs.

When it comes to “Bad Kitty” situations you need to know two important things. One, your cat is without question going to do certain behaviors you’re not going to like. You need to be prepared to let it go. Cats do as cats do. Yelling and getting frustrated will do you no good. You can try behavior modification, but just remember that phrase: cats do as cats do. Second, every problem has a solution. You might need to get creative like I did with the area rugs and the clear tape, but no problem is too big to be solved. Do the rugs look great in such strange places? No, but it’s way better than having thousands of dollars in carpet damage. Our next house will have wood flooring. In the meantime, we found a temporary patch to stop the destruction. If you can’t think of any ideas, ask some of your cat-loving friends. You can even visit your local pet store and ask about possible gadgets to use. But, no matter what, realize that when you adopt a kitty the upside tempers the downside. Just like people, kitties aren’t perfect. You just have to “manage” them.

 

Kitty Wisdom by Michelle Gamble is due out in late 2023.  Please watch for the announcement of its official release.