The Writer's Book of Cliches

Last night's joke was about how so many writers say, "I'm writing a book," and then nothing is produced. Do you know any writers whose books have never been published or finished? I often get asked if I'm a serious writer, too. I think it's because so many would-be writers never write or finish what they write. The other common cliché about writing in general is: don't we ALL have a book we want to write? The part about that comment devalues my profession. Truth is we cannot ALL write a book. Another woman walked up to me (she was an English teacher) and said, "I bet you've seen some of the worst writing." Funny thing is I typically don't see horrible writing too often. Why? you ask. (And I told her this answer.) By the time a book comes to my desk it generally isn't written by a high school student trying to pass an English paper. The English professor was quickly enlightened and acknowledged that seemed like it would be true ... and it is (thank goodness for me). 

So for your entertainment, here are some of the most ridiculous statements I hear about my profession:

Are you a real writer? What as opposed to an "artificially flavored" one? :) I can be sarcastic, but I can bite my forked tongue, too.

Are you a real publisher? I really, really like it when they ask me that and I'm standing in my "unreal" 10 x 10 trade show booth with signage and books on the table. "No Alice I went to the bookstore and bought all this "stuff" just to fake you out."

"I got published! You know ... by a real publisher!" that statement is my all-time favorite. A traditionally published author who thought a little too highly of herself said that to me; of course, she said it while I was once again standing in my 10 x 10 trade show booth. I'll have to ask some of my traditionally published authors (which I have some in the catalog) if they think I'm a "fake" publisher.

And just to make you smile: yesterday I drove behind a car with a chicken coop in the trunk. Hmm ... a chicken coop in the trunk of someone's car. Maybe I should have named my forthcoming book Body in the Trunk, Chicken Cooper in the Trunk ... and that's a little humor to start your day.