First Word

OK, call me a crass audience member or a crazy publisher, whatever reaction you might have to this blog post, either moniker is fine. I was at an event last night to introduce the new book Mr. Date Night by the fun and fabulously dead-pan Cary Farley. The man can tell the driest joke -- so dry that I have to run for water to actually get it and laugh. Anyway, as part of the event, they introduced a ballet dance troupe. I enjoy ballet -- it's all good. And then, oh, three quarters of the way through ... out come the gentlemen dressed in skimpy, 1950-style men's swimwear, bare chested and all muscular. Part of me might have found the lithe, supple muscular frames sexy, if it weren't for the now infamous salmon-colored "Under Roos," as the gal standing next to me called them. My eyes started watering as I tried to not laugh aloud as I leaned over and whispered in Malia's ear. Malia lost it and laughed so hard she snorted. Whoops! And then the moment of the show ...

I get often asked how protective an author should be over her work? My answer, "Always protect your work." You maybe unassuming and think, "Why would anyone steal my work?" Well, it takes all kinds and while this may sound cynical, I can tell you from first-hand experience, it happens all of the time. You may feel insecure about your fantastic work, but that doesn't mean it's not valuable, interesting or steal-worthy. I've had my concepts stolen. I've seen people blatantly lift my magazine articles and run them. If I were going to spend my entire life in court, I could have sued these folks. The main instigator in this situation is the same tool we all know and love -- the Internet. The Web has made it so much easier to take intellectual property. What will shock you, however, is the self entitlement attitudes of those who take. I once ran an article objecting to software piracy and you would be stunned by the sheer number of responses I got where th...

A very nice and high-profile gal was speaking at a networking event. She came up to me (we know each other) and asked if she could have my opinion. I looked at her and said, "I only give an opinion when asked." And those Friend-Os are good words of advice too -- only render personal opinions if it's invited otherwise you get into very dicey territorial. So, she asks, "What do you think about me speaking with the flip-flops on?" I now have cause to look down. What does she have on? Not just some cute pair of sassy flip-flops one could get away with in a pair of shorts. No, she has on some dirty (the dirt got me the worst) flip-flops that one should only wear while gardening or poolside. They were pretty dingy, so I would risk suggesting you only wear them in the garden. I was highly amused by the question from a gal who I know knows better, but yet still dared to ask. I think she was secretly hoping I would bless the dirty flip-flops. Being the consummate profess...

So I'm at this party and I have this fellow come up to me. We're chatting and somewhere along the way, I said, "You know people our age," as this fellow looked in my demographic. He replied, "People our age? How old are you?" I replied, "45," to which he refuted this as truth. It got to the point where I had to have Malia as my witness that I had, indeed, confessed the truth. This discussion then took a decidedly strange turn toward remarks how that just didn't seem possible. Look at the collagen in my expression lines and the resilience of my skin and the lack of wrinkles on my forehead. I have to tell you Friend-Os this was the oddest form of a compliment I've ever received. I began to wonder if he is a plastic surgeon. I half wondered if I should get out the Sharpe so he could prep my face for surgery (of course, the real gist was that I apparently didn't need it), but really odd! It seems now in this beauty-obssessed world, we all a...

Now these stores have these so-called "rewards" programs in which participation requires your email address. My favorite bread store Panera keeps trying to shove a "card" at me and telling me to sign up online. My answer every time, "No, you want my email address, and I'm not going to give it out." My favorite bookstore, Borders -- same thing. What gets me is that some of these so-called "rewards" programs don't give you any real advantages anyway yet they've now plundered my email address and deluge your my box with various hyped-up programs and offers -- none of which are really all that valuable either. I mean come on! Today with inflation as horrible as it has become and a trip to the grocery store costing $150 or better for just a few items, what is .10 cents off really going to give me? The point is, I should not have to give these big corporations access to my private email just to get a minuscule discount. The exchange is noth...

This blog is getting much too serious lately. I need to get out of this funk of too-serious-for-myself and back into the playful side of life. As I was getting up to brush my teeth with my awful-tasting "whitening" toothpaste, it occurred to me that I should share (for the sake of your better edification and entertainment), four things I hate to do -- whether personally or in business. I figure many of you will probably relate. Cold calling -- I have to at least try to keep this business-related, right? All right, who out there enjoys cold calling? None of you ... of course not. It's akin to teetering on the edge of embarrassment and raw nerve that someone you've never met will take time our of their precious schedule to spend two minutes on the phone with you, a person they've never met. Or even care to actually have a conversation with a stranger. I told Malia recently that if your intention when you cold call for media work is to avoid human contact at all c...

We have authors who come to us with dollar signs dancing in their eyes as they hand us their creation. I once even heard an author say, "I figured I would write, get published, and become rich." Well, in book land, that is not exactly how it goes. Some authors do strike the vein of gold for sure. Other authors will forever labor in mid-success world where their book sells well and makes money, but certainly not enough to invest in the mansion and Mercedes in the driveway. I typically recommend you keep in mind that your book should be used as a platform for something greater than the sum of the pages it's printed on. Hard number crunching shows you that a $14.95 book sold through the common sales channel of Amazon at $6.73 equals you better sell hundreds to get anywhere significant. With such a competitive marketplace, your book had better be really fabulous too. Because like the grocery-store shelf, the consumer has lots of choices these days. So add to that, your book s...