Monday, December 26, 2011

Funny Moments from California Girl Chronicles

It's a holiday and a Monday, so I thought today would be a great day to have a little fun on the blog. I wrote California Girl Chronicles to include humor. What I did not realize is that the humor would be one of the stand-out parts of the book (I kind of thought all that sex would eclipse the humor ... just saying). It turns out the humorous parts are being praised by both readers and critics. So, it's a holiday, and I feel some fun coming on. Here are some humorous moments from book one Brea and the City of Plastic.

Hungrier than Horny
I decided no way was Lance going to get the “pooty” unless he paid for a great meal. I also felt he should make an effort at some kind of real conversation perhaps over at least raspberry muffins and Folgers coffee at Denny’s coffee shop. Food is food – and I’m hungrier than I am horny. 
Clean Teeth or McNuggets
When we passed a McDonald’s, I had an urge to ask for a Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal. “Oh, a little honey and pressed-chicken stuff would satisfy my hunger,” I thought and nixed the idea. He was probably Vegan or some anti-fast-food hater. He might be really grossed out that I like nuggets (most people are, Vegan or not), and the date would be over. I once told a guy I hadn’t had my teeth cleaned in a year, and he broke up with me. I quickly went to the dentist and never mentioned that faux pas ever again – at least not to a potential lover and/or boyfriend. 
Rockin' Rock Band
“These guys rock,” Lance said enthusiastically. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. The guy who wore white also mesmerized him. I wondered if Lance realized he said a rock band rocked?
Hamburger or Hotdog
“Do you meet women who try to seduce you for jobs?” I asked and grinned. “You’re pretty hot. I can only imagine young actresses all over your shit.”

Kale frowned and replied, “That’s not how I roll, sweetheart. I respect women. My mother is a scientific genius who works as a professor at MIT. She raised me right. You don’t treat women like hamburger, and they won’t treat you like hotdog.”
I reluctantly took my tiny, white sundress that was no more than soft cotton with a palm-tree print on the front that said, “Love my coconuts.” I tried to hide my scorn and darted into the dressing room where tried-on bikinis were still hanging on the hooks. 
Pout for You

My best friend Denise glided into the room and heard me laughing to myself. She knew not to interrupt me, but she positioned herself right at the kitchen counter where I couldn’t miss her. She was sipping a screwdriver. I thought it was early for a drink, but didn’t say anything. She seemed rosy and flush. “What the hell, Brea?” she asked. “Are you laughing alone? You’re like an alcoholic drinking alone. Pout for you. How sad.”

“Who’s the alcoholic?” I motioned to her drink.

She cracked a smile and replied, “Who me? This is orange juice,” she said and winked. 
I'm a Super Hero Now

“I think that was the best sex I’ve ever had,” I replied and reached across to wipe the sweat off his brow.

This suggestion seemed to intrigue him. He looked at me with this strange grin and replied, “Really? You? Me?”

I sighed, leaned into him, kissed his lips, and replied, “Quite right.”

“All right, look at me. I’m a man now,” he declared facetiously. “Sweetheart, you made me a man. I think … no, I know, I have superpowers too. See what you did! Now I’ll have to save the world or something. Or just make a movie about it.”


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