Now time for the throwaway comments: Those of you only interested in valuable information, stop here. The rest of you, hang on. Here are some travel tips. When going to a popular tourist restaurant (particularly in South Beach) and the waiter offers the day’s special, do make sure to ask the price. It may not be even close to the other entrée’s prices. A $52 chunk of sea bass and two prawns may mean those last five book sales you worked so hard to earn were spent on crappy fish. Don’t let the stupid waitress at the Clevelander take your credit card to start a tab when you know better. You will suddenly awaken in the middle of the night and realize that while you were dancing the night away and fending off greasy Canadian Bob in the ridiculous feather cowboy hat, your card got abandoned only to be retrieved the next evening, which forced you back to South Beach for another expensive meal. Don’t hail a cab late at night when your driver may be nuttier than a can of Planter’s Peanuts. Your knuckles will turn a permanent shade of white and you may spend at least 15 unpleasant minutes with your life flashing before your eyes as the driver “avoids” (and I use that term loosely) five collisions in five minutes. Don’t buy a cute pair of $100 high-heels suede pumps instead of the comfy loafers you eyed because you also deluded yourself into the false and ludicrous belief you might actually wear uncomfortable, miserable heels for eight hours. And you deluded yourself because the cute waiter, who winked at you at the great seafood restaurant next door to the shoe store, brought you two heavily infused vodka drinks. By the time you got to the shoe store, your brain was so drowned in alcohol you lost all good judgment anyway.
And this Friend-Os concludes this special Miami plane ride edition brought to you by the stupid mistake of purchasing a Spanish translation of Steve Jobs’ biography. Now my only question: Where can I take that book back to get an English version?