Now I am not single. I know I’ve said this dozens of times. Married! OK, now we’ve established that fact. Let me also establish that even if I were single, the following Facebook pick-up techniques would still fail miserably.
The serenade – yes, Friend-Os I had a gent serenade me in what I will assume was Italian. Something about me being as “beautiful as the sun.” I don’t know whether to barf or just laugh or both.
The good hygiene theory – another young man thought that his admission of possessing good hygiene was surly an aphrodisiac that I would succumb to. I have to ask the all-important question, “Since when did good hygiene become a tool of seduction?” I’m just wondering. I mean maybe having a lot of money might be more interesting, but I’ve always worked off the belief that good hygiene is an everyday standard of good grooming. I’m just saying.
Mr. Illiterate – u wat to send me u fone number? Hmm … I don’t know whether to be more stricken by the fact that this guy couldn’t spell or that he was seriously stupid enough to ask me for my phone number. Well, maybe being illiterate and stupid kind of go together.
The European Mail-Order Bride Guy – I would say about every other week or so some random European or Middle Eastern tries to “friend” and meet for the purpose of some international green card shenanigans. Any guy from the Euro-trash world that has zero connections to me and says, “Your beautiful, let’s be friends,” is suspect.