Friday, February 15, 2013
Speaking of "whipped cream" you ought to check out the scene in the forthcoming 3L Publishing book Vengeance is Now by Scott D. Roberts where our "man-whore" and private detective brings out the bottle on his girlfriend Nicole and does some fun stuff with it (and that's the whole "teaser" for now ;) ... well, here is my thought about whipped cream in the bedroom: Yes, I'm adventurous and know how to have plenty of fun; but I'm a little bit of a neatness freak and, well, whipped cream sounds fun and tantalizing, but in reality I bet it's sticky and messy LOL. So, you know, pass! OK, so on to more serious subjects. I thought this morning (and since it's Friday), I would simply amuse you with my sometimes useful but mostly useless thoughts. So, today we will try and be useful.
Here are the top grammar mistakes I see perpetrated by even seasoned professionals. Now class, take out your notebooks and let's begin.
No. #1 and my all-time favorite Toward vs. Towards -- oh me oh my oh, one of my authors tried to argue this with ... it's TOWARD. So, in jest I'll ask you this question: are we in the U.S.? Yes. OK good we've established our native soil. All right then since we're in the U.S., it's TOWARD, period. (I should write a poem called "Ode to Period" just for author Scott D. Roberts who likes to punctuate his texts with the single word -- period.) If we were in the U.K., I would give you a pass and you get to say TOWARDS much like you could theater vs. theatre or dialog vs. dialogue and so on. This rule applies to a few other "ards" words LOL ... so my advice is always "when in doubt, look it up."
No. #2 Commas -- Oh no, let's not go ... I'm in such a jovial mood today. All right all you comma freaks and lovers who just LOVE to insist and tell me I don't know commas! LOL Comma usage in my opinion boils down to which style guide you adhere to. It could be AP Style, Chicago Style, MLA or Struck and White and yada, yada, yada. But please don't delude yourself and spew all my wrong comma use without first asking me which style guide I use. For the record, I love AP Style so there is your answer. All you journalism majors out there are applauding ... English majors are groaning, "No madame it's Struck and White." What do I say, "My comma is my comma ... your comma isn't my comma." And there we go around the merry-O.
No. #3 to em dash or semi-colon is the question ... technically speaking em dashes and semi-colons work much the same way. The semicolon is a mark of punctuation (;) used to connect independent clauses and suggest a closer relationship between the clauses than a period does. I like to think the second independent clause "defines" the first independent clause, which is why a semi-colon should be used ... but guess what else? An em dash does the same thing. Love it. So just to ensure you're abundantly confused, just switch it up, because there are simply times when the em dash works better.
And now friends this is why math is so precise with all the same answers, and English not so precise and confusing. I like to say English is just 50 Shades of Grey LOL ... Happy Cupcake Friday.