I have to tell you, I've had some of the best philosophical conversations lately. My girlfriends should all just rule the world and get it over with. What I love about being this age is the sage wisdom I am surrounded by on a daily basis. We've all kind of figured it out to some extent, and it's really quite heartening to explore some of the deeper issues with such amazing women. Sometimes in the middle of major changes and tough situations, you quickly find out who are your friends, and even more interesting find new friends who understand, too.
Yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend, and we were talking about healing. She brought up what I have long since embraced -- you have to feel it to get past it. I spent a lot of time not feeling much. I know it's sad to admit. I just quit having feelings. When did that happen when I am actually quite passionate about life in general. Shutting down is like the slowest tide coming in -- it happens in wave after slow wave. Any of you out there who have done what I call the ultimate "numbing out" will relate. I got really good at just giving up. If you start giving up that's a bad sign. Sometimes you have to stay and fight the good fight. At the same time, there has to be give and acknowledgment, though. I used to think that walking away was the easiest solution to everything. Can't get what you need? Walk away ... yes, I learned to walk away and quit trying ... and hence the numbing began.
I'm sharing these issues with you all to inspire you to think differently. If you're doing any of this, don't! It doesn't work. Now I'm in a new day, and I'm doing a lot of things differently. I'm also giving myself room to heal, feel some pretty shitty stuff, and get past it. I was out with my girlfriend, and I suddenly broke down and just completely lost it. She was awesome and just let me go for it. I'm talking full on walking and sobbing! It was awesome my friends. Let her rip!! It was over something that was said about my situation earlier in the evening. Oh yeah, a complete and total meltdown right there, right then. Oh yeah baby! I went for the pity party with complete emotional force of a hurricane. She stood there and to some extent laughed, and then grabbed me by the arm and drug me home! Pity party over! Next day, I woke up and cleaned out my closet (and the closet friends was also a fantastic metaphor). Completed the process, got the boxes emptied, and got the last of the clothes put properly away.
It's a good life friends! A fantastic life! And for my friends (and one person in particular who knows because I've extended the thank you) who have done a lot of "arm grabbing and dragging" I thank each and every one of you! You are awesome!!! Sometimes you just have to clean out that closet!!!!