Thursday, July 5, 2012

Swimming Against the Current ... Just Go with It

Santa Monica, California
Yesterday, our nation's national holiday, and I was intent on spending the day solo ... me, my computer, and my work. I have several books moving forward through 3L Publishing, so the idea of a clearly focused day sounded quite fine. It drifts on ... I'm getting depressed instead. I'm missing my daughter big time (she left for the next couple of weeks). My old screenwriting partner posts about the Patanque games out in Santa Monica. Now I have to be frank. I didn't want to go anywhere. I tend to be reclusive when I'm down ... you know just nurse your wounds in private. I also know that when I do go out and laugh with friends I feel better. OK then ... get out the door ... scoot, scoot! I even made an effort with my appearance and dressed nice enough. Scoot I went -- and you know what I realized? It is sometimes good to go with the current. Fly by the seat of your pants a little and have fun. I had an amazing afternoon. I sat in the sun and watched the game and shockingly didn't get sunburned. The weather was as perfect as it could ever be (see picture).

Later I moved swiftly through the crowds and every time I turned around what did I see ... lovers! Ah man! What did that do? Make me heck of lonely ... that is what that did! So, I post on Facebook a mere mention ... and so sweet ... guys to my rescue LOL ... guys, it's OK to be lonely in the face of healing. Thank you to those who called me beautiful ... a girl needs a boost every now and again. I definitely needed the nice thoughts and compliments for sure. I learned two things (and I always share what I learn): sometimes just go with the flow (the current) and just open yourself up. I can't do anything about "is-ness" right now. I keep waiting for some sign that it's all going to be okay. I keep waiting for reassurance that all my dreams are going to come true. I want my TV series script California Girl Chronicles to be picked up -- that would put me into orbit. I need a boost Universe. I need to know that it's all going to be okay! I fight anxiety and try to release and let it go. I need some really great news! I need my lover to come back to me ... I miss him, too. I need to know it's all going to be okay! That all of this work ... all of this separation from my kids and my lover is truly for the good. And I can't ask anymore ... I have to patiently watch, wait and see! Go with the current ... but know those are my prayers!

So I vow to get out, make friends, have a life, and laugh. Oh, and make 3L and California Girl Chronicles both huge successes!!!!

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