We have several great self-help books in the 3L Publishing catalog, and I'm always fortunate in that I get to edit them. Right now I am working on a book titled The Power and Light that is You by Linda Lee, which is a wonderful book that is a guide to self-empowerment. I wish I could tell my story openly and without regret, but I really can't do it for privacy reasons. I don't believe in putting self-limiting beliefs on life. The book teaches us not to limit ourselves -- that we are empowered with our mindset to explore all facets of life.
In 2012 when I left my marriage I did so with the intention to find true love. If there is one thing I firmly believe now is that at age 25 vs. 48 I had no idea what I really wanted or needed from a relationship. In 2011 I had met a person who would become very important to me. After I left my marriage I decided to chase the proverbial rainbow even though many, many issues (BIG issues) arose during the pursuit of my aforementioned true love. And at the end of the day I looked at my rainbow -- a rainbow that had a pot of pain at the end of it, and I began a reflection process.
In exploring self-empowerment and taking personal responsibility for the outcomes in my life, I began to ask new questions. And it was actually my mother who articulated something important. She said, "Michelle, it depends on your expectations in life." What were my expectations about love and family? In my ideal world my man would love, adore, cherish and take care of me. He would commit to me and only me, and we would grow old together. In my other "broken" dream world, that man offered none of those things and even less. When I finally realized that lowering my expectations to sub-zero (really isn't that sub-zero to get nothing that you want) I re-evaluated my dream, my rainbow. Was the dream the "idea" or the "feeling" about the person. Was I so used to getting nothing that I wanted and expecting nothing really living my life out to the fullest?
Once upon another time, I had already done that -- lowered my expectations to zero. I used to say, "Expect nothing you will never be disappointed." Isn't that sad? Expect nothing... and nothing is what I got in exchange for that belief.
Well fast-forward to the present ... and here I am reunited with my former fiancé who I had broken off with due to some serious problems and my ongoing desire to chase my rainbow. He had offered everything I wanted and more. I started to look at my mindset. It was time to expand those ideas. It was time to have expectations, high expectations. It was time to believe (and this is important and super hard to feel) that I deserved those things in life -- those wonderful good things. My man offers the world to me. He is willing to sacrifice and compromise to make me happy. Here is the real kicker: he really cares about my feelings. He cares if I'm happy or not. And he went on this journey with me, stayed mostly by my side, and pledged not to leave or abandon when the going got tough.
So at the end of the "lessons-learned" section: I don't tell anyone now to lower his or her expectations. I say raise the bar as high as you can imagine and then attract that to yourself. No one deserves to be loved less-than. Nobody deserves to be treat as a low priority to their mate. We all deserve the very best in life. And we can have it. Raise the bar of your light to shine brightly and radiate goodness into the world. Don't say the words "I deserve it" or "I'm worth it" ... feel the words! Know it's true! You do deserve it ... you are worth it.