Monday, April 28, 2014

Online Dating Tips

Many of my single friends have shared some horror stories about online dating and using services like Some of my favorite stories:
  • The woman who used online dating to get a free dinner every night of the week.
  • The woman who asked the guy to stop and get a drink before they even got to dinner.
  • The woman who brought her full-grown daughter to the dinner date and forced the guy to buy them both dinner.
  • The guy who sent his penis picture before asking the girl out just to "prove" he had the goods. 
Those stories are the minor ones that stand out and make me laugh or just shock me. I always wonder, who does this stuff? Apparently quite a few people. So I don't have any online dating horror stories to share, which isn't to suggest that I didn't use the online dating services; but I may not have used them as vigorously as some people.

So how did I avoid the pitfalls? My advice is going to be simple and may not apply to everyone. First, I always posted high-value photos, which cast a wider net and allowed me to be pickier and more discerning than most. On the first day I posted my profile I received 300 emails from men who wanted to meet me. In attracting so many candidates I could be much more discerning and take my time. I have to be honest nine out of 10 emails got largely ignored (probably more than that). If someone did manage to get past my discerning eye, I would evaluate the person based on the email sent. Men, I am giving you very important advice on email letters:
  • Don't be ridiculous or schmaltzy. Don't say the generic, I want to walk with you on a beach ... seriously the more cliche and ridiculous a letter, the less likely you'll get through the "barricade". 
  • Do be authentic and true. Be direct and honest about yourself and DO bother to read the girl's profile. Answer her profile to show you cared enough to read it.
  • Don't be superficial or shallow. I don't care if you think I'm beautiful ... that's nice, but frankly outer beauty doesn't reflect anything about inner beauty. If my looks got you to read my profile that is great, but that's about the only value in it. So telling me I'm beautiful to start a conversation will never work. And here is the thing, if the woman is truly beautiful it's very likely 100 guys opened their email with ... you're gorgeous ... you're pretty ... you're beautiful -- and so what? How am I supposed to respond to a single line: you're so beautiful? 
Girlfriends here is my advice for you to avoid the liars and weirdos:
  • You have a gut instinct use it. Online dating is your time to use your instincts. If something feels wrong with a guy chances are something is wrong.
  • If a guy doesn't post his profile picture, nix that one. He is probably married and doesn't want his wife to catch him so he only privately sends photos.
  • Look for honesty and direct sweetness and integrity. Believe me when I say, people reveal who they are. Do enough texting and emailing to evaluate whether this is a good guy but ... this is big! Don't put off meeting him too long. The elusive thing called chemistry can only be revealed on a date. You don't want to spend weeks in the email phase only to find out you share zero chemistry.
Does any of this help? I have more advice, but these are my best tips. As for me, I've met my prince so I'm done with the whole dating scene. It was fun to a certain extent, and if you want to just date to have fun then make it fun. Go do things and think of it as a way to meet new people. Dating doesn't have to be super serious if you don't want it to be. Go out and see what's out there. If you relax and don't put a serious stake in it you are more likely to meet your dream mate. My fiance Kirk dated a year and half and was ready to give up when he met me. He decided before our first date he wasn't going to care anymore, and look what happened? Life presented his dream girl. And sometimes that is how it goes.

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