Friday, September 14, 2012

We Teach Others How to Treat Us...

Have you heard that before: we teach others how to treat us? I had to two major epiphanies today. My lovely operations manager Bo Bradley, whose forthcoming book Hot Mess comes out soon, writes about co-depenency. We were having an in-depth discussion about some of my personal issues. And the topic of self-love came up. Well, I don't want to get into too much detail, but I did not have a lot of "unconditional love" growing up. I've gone on to perpetuate a lot of behaviors and patterns I learned at home. In my new life as a newly single woman, I have found myself in a situation where one of my male "friends" has treated me terribly. With every excuse under the sun that one can imagine, he has continually bailed out or found any dozen excuses not to show up. It has gotten to the point where I expect him not to show -- and not showing up is the rule and not the exception. It hit me today that I taught him it was perfectly okay not to ever show up. He didn't suffer any real consequences for it. He got to keep my friendship and attention. Why not treat me badly? I've taught him well. Bo's words resonated with me. I don't love and respect myself enough to lay the boundary. In taking responsibility for my own life, I have to maintain boundaries. I have to treat the people in my life the way I want to be treated. I also have to say that there is a line. If this person had flaked only once and maybe twice, it might have been okay. But when the unacceptable behavior becomes the norm, it's time to clean it up. I realized today that my enough point was hit. It was time to lay the boundary and teach people how to treat me right -- as the person who deserves love, respect and at least courtesy.

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