Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Writer's Strike: True Blood Season Finale Needs Fresh Scribes

I was on HBO's message board last night reading the fan's reactions to the season finale of True Blood. If you read yesterday's blog then you know I ranted about the poor writing. I am not the only soured fan who noticed the writers needed a trip to the literary woodshed for a little po-po paddle time. At first, I thought maybe I'm just tone deaf, and I didn't hear the line(s) delivered appropriately. Maybe I'm in a bad mood. Maybe it's PMSS -- poorly managed script syndrome. Then I read the more literate fan messages on the Talk board. Nope! Not even Advil is going to get rid of these brain cramps.

True Blood Season 4 up until the last three episodes was doing just fine. Following the book Dead to the World just fine -- check. Alexander Skarsgård playing my favorite bloodsucker with a fantastic ability to vacillate between two personalities very well -- amnesiac Eric and real Eric. Anna Paquin, child actor extraordinaire who won the Oscar for the critically claimed Piano (anyone remember her in that? I feel old) doing a fine job as our heroine Sookie. Then came some of the worst writing of the show. And here are the lines so dipped in cheese, they might as well come straight out of the dairy farm.


Eric: Excuse me. Crispy up here. -- This line was meant to somehow be funny. True Blood usually does funny pretty well. Why was I not amused?


Sookie: Our time together was memorable but ... -- All right writers, really? This is what our fairy princess says about an incredible romance built up over three seasons? REALLY? I could have taken an intelligent and mature speech over that one anytime. Come on! Just two shows back the words, "I love you" were shared between our favorite fairy and Viking God. WTF ... "memorable" doesn't cut it. "I'm confused. A lot has happened in a short time. I need to be alone for a while. I need to be sure of my feelings. I need to quit sucking your blood ... somebody break these blood bonds (hint: see Dead Reckoning for Sookie's real feelings about our beloved Viking). I could "write" on and on some fantastic lines for our falafel fairy to utter to her guy, but the word "memorable" would be used judiciously to describe only the fantastic sex on the animal pelts. 


Best line of the day and maybe the year. Pam: I'm sick of Sookie and her fairy vagina. 


Jason is absolutely a dim bulb without a doubt. He says and does the stupidest things that I usually laugh over; but I find it hard to believe that he's so Gump that he would actually tell Hoyt the sexual positions he shared with Jessica. He was there, after all, to have a serious discussion about what he felt was his betrayal of his best friend since grade school. So, to turn around and dimly answer the question, "How?" with a series of sexual positions just didn't ring true. He's not THAT dumb! Sorry writers another Razzy for you.

Last licks: Alan Ball did an amazing job on Six Feet Under, which is another show I still pop in the DVD player from time to time just to revisit its greatness. True Blood has consistently delivered great entertaining TV too; but these last several shows it just kind of flailed. I hope that writers are paying attention to literate fans like myself who do this for a living too. I thought those last several shows were sloppy, and it seemed like they got tired or bored or both. You don't have to go far to find excellent material. Just reference back to the original books. Charlaine Harris delivers consistently entertaining Sookie adventures. I could pull at least a hundred great lines out of her books, including my favorite reference to "gourmet sex". And frankly, if I had more time I could jump back to the replays of the finale and offer even more lead-thump clunkers for you all to groan over.

Here is hoping that Season 5 with the eminent return of the rapscallion Russell Edgington will be filled with fun, fantasy and improved writing. And someone please salvage the Eric/Sookie relationship. These two have fantastic chemistry and the great Skarsgård is, aside from being sweet eye candy, an interesting and intense actor. I am curious how deep he is going to go into creepy in the movie Straw Dogs that opens Friday.

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