Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Things I Learned Dating in my 40s

The dating advice I keep posting on this blog is moving up our most-read items. Okay, so how I got positioned as an expert on dating is kind of funny. It seems we have some love lorn out there in need of a few tips and tricks. Well, I have learned some great insight into human behavior and dating that has worked very well for me. Of course, I am not suggesting I have always done the right things. I have definitely tripped and fallen with egg on my face and a few other trite cliches I could add to that sentence LOL. But before I give you some great tips, I must credit Bo Bradley, who is also my life coach and operations manager. She was constantly in the wings advising me carefully on what to do. Some of these tips are mine, some are hers, and some are just widely adopted and known by the experts of amazing books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus (great book, BTW).

The man cave -- yep! The guys use it. My beloved boyfriend Kirk Donnelly denies use of the man cave. I only laughed at him and said, "Yes, that is why you need your alone time. No, you don't need a man cave." Okay, ladies when your guy goes into his cave, don't freak out. It's A-okay! Men will withdraw to think and as the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus aptly suggests, they will emerge and give you even more intimacy than before. Now the trick? Don't sit outside of their cave and ask, "Honey why are you in there?" "When are you coming out?" Ladies just get on with your day. Let him "cave" it in peace. And when he's ready he will re-emerge with more love than ever -- problem solved. I promise you it's all true.

Men need to chase. Bo constantly told me this one. Don't get all "feminine mystique" on me here. It's true. Men need to chase the women. It's a basic primal thing with the guys -- and that's okay. Get over yourself and let your guy go after with you with the club (just kidding). I have always had a basic rule about certain things. I'll give you an example and it's really, really simple: I don't start our text conversations with my guy. I adopted a rule in this new text age that I would not be the one (much like calling) to text first. As a result, my love starts every single morning with a beautiful text message to me. In fact, he is my alarm clock. I always know that somewhere between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. he will reliably text me a nice wake-up message. Have I told him my rule? Well,  not at first. I let him begin the "chase" on his own. By now I would imagine he knows. Does it put him in charge of our relationship? Yes, it sure does. Does he like to feel like he's the pursuer? Probably. So girls, my simple rule is really easy and great. You should adopt it.

Keeping it in the bedroom. Ever heard of a "fuck buddy"? Any guy who doesn't officially date you but invites you over to his house all of the time, I have some really bad news for you: you're his fuck buddy. I know it's profane but true. Do not fall into the habit of going over to your guy's house. Make him actually DATE you, which means things like ... oh, dinner and a movie. You know the old-fashioned idea of courtship. Unless, of course, all you want is a bedroom romp that is fine; but if you want a relationship best to take it out of the bedroom.

Now here is a basic list of things NOT to do or recognize:

  • Do not argue or discuss heavy stuff in text -- horrible communication tool.
  • If your guy EVER uses the excuse that goes like this: "I'm super private" as a way to avoid publicly acknowledging your relationship RUN. I've had two men in my life pull that one and guess what? They BOTH had other relationships, and I was the "secret" they didn't want their mates to find out about. I promise you girls that any guy who "hides" you under that lame excuse is hiding you for a really good reason. He's in ANOTHER relationship!!! 
  • If you guy doesn't show up for dates or constantly has an excuse to stand you up -- RUN! He's (as the movie suggests) "just not that into you" OR he has another "main squeeze" on the side. 

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