Thursday, December 6, 2012

Important Relationship Lessons

If there is anything I know is this: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the kiss of death when those behaviors killed your relationship and you expect them not to affect a new relationship. It's like the suggestion of doing something the same but expecting different results. When in a new relationship, use your old relationship as your instruction guide of what not to do again. Here are some fabulous tips to help create strong bonds with your significant other versus tear apart something that starts out strong and soon disintegrates. Now mind you I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but I am a student of life.

TV killed the Love Stars. How many of you out there come home from work, sit down, and watch TV all evening vs. talking to your partner? How many of you actually eat dinner in front of the TV? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little TV here and there; but when the television becomes the focal point of entertainment in your relationship vs. conversation and connection, it's not good. The TV requires very little thought and leaves two people sitting in the same room, saying nothing to each other. I don't watch but one hour of TV a week. In fact, the TV is only on in my house when my kids are here. I don't watch it anymore but maybe a show on Sunday night. I even quit watching movies all of the time. Now I'm either reading or connecting with my loved ones. And when my boyfriend is here, we don't watch anything ... we talk about our days. Here is a tip: vow to turn off the TV at least 3 days a week (if you're truly addicted) and do something else.

The couple that plays together stays together. The other activity we've take up is simple: interaction. We play cards and games so we can talk as we play. It's cheap entertainment and we're together and listening versus tuning out the world. It's also fun. Here is a suggestion: get a glass of wine and play a board or card game. It's a big winner. When it's winter time, this activity is great to pass the time. We also like doing the same things, so we shop, travel and ski together (well, we haven't gotten to ski yet, but that is the plan).

Here is the bottom line: I thought this all through. I find that when I make conscious choices to make positive changes, I'm not knee-jerking my way through life. When I reflected on things in my past relationship that didn't bond us but rather put up walls of disconnect, I decided I wouldn't repeat those mistakes. When you take charge of your life and don't let unconscious thinking rule the day, you will be way better off. I'm in the best relationship of my life, because I've made conscious decisions to make changes in the right direction. I know a lot of you will view my suggestion to turn off the TV as "impossible" as Americans are notorious TV watchers. But I would be okay to get rid of my TV at this point. I even have friends who don't watch any TV at all. What do they do? What I just described, and they have been happily married a very long time.

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