Friday, November 16, 2012

Reasons Not to Date THAT Guy

Since my company is going to publish the forthcoming book 20 Reasons Not to Date THAT Guy, I thought I would give the ladies some good dating advice to help find the right guy. I've heard many stories, and I recently got divorced and successfully got on the singles market and met the right guy pretty quickly all things considered. In measuring out in my mind why I was able to meet the right guy so quickly, I decided to help my fellow single ladies. A few things before I give you all some helpful tips. I have been talking to my life coach Bo Bradley from the beginning of my divorce. I used her advice and guidance down to my decision to leave the marriage in the first place. I also talked to my girlfriends who dated a much longer list of candidates before meeting the right guy. So, I figured out some important points that even while in my dating process, I managed to stay friends with the men I dated, too.

Understand what qualities you want in your man. Notice I didn't say "looks" ... I said qualities. I always looked for values. Were they down-to-earth and did their values and outlook on life match mine? Were they good, nice people? I don't look for bad boys. In fact, bad boys don't impress me. And I can spot a player from two miles up the road. I always look for kindness, decency and generosity and I'm not talking about money generosity. I am talking about someone who gives to others and cares about helping even when there isn't always something in it for them. And because I was attracted to men like this, I remained friends with them, because if I dated them I generally liked them in an overall way.

Is he even available? Listen carefully to what your prospective partner says to you. If he starts indicating his main objective is to just date (secret code: I want to have sex with someone without string attached) and your objective is a commitment, then you might want to call it a day on the first date. Guys that indicated they only wanted to date when I was finally ready for a commitment, I didn't bother with. I don't believe in cajoling a commitment out of a guy who doesn't want one. It won't matter how attracted he is to me. If his "cab light" isn't on, it's not on. Don't bother to play that game, it never works.

Timing is everything. The crossroads of the love life has to converge together. If you meet a guy who is still emotionally attached to his former girlfriend, just coming off a divorce and emotionally unsettled, or is just not available for whatever reason, you will miss the chance. He has to be at a place in his life where he's ready for something serious. And if he's ready for something serious and you fit his bill for what would make a great partner, it's really easy to move forward.

Now, our book will be much funnier than this list; but after reading some of my fellow single ladies' reactions to my Prince Charming showing up in my life and scooping me off the market, I thought maybe some insight would be of value. BUT (and this important): when your prince shows up and offers you the fairy tale, step 1, believe him. If you don't believe he's got the castle all paid up and ready for your fair behind to settle in then it's a no-go before you even step in the glass slipper. You have to BELIEVE the fairy tale is possible before you can get the castle and the china and linen to go with it.

1 comment:

  1. I BELIEVE...STILL~ Because I had it once for 30 years, it will happen again!

    Have to share...I got an Amy Poehler "Really?" moment the other day. Got an email from a singles dating'll love this...
    A LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP for only $5 a month to Law of Attraction Singles! REALLY? Why would I want to attract a LIFETIME of single-ness~ REALLY? Something is wrong with this picture! I just laughed my ass off!
    And, I agree...the men I've dated that have become friends...good based on the same values! Just not the right lifetime match. Love that! Happy Thanks GIVING!