We're All Dead: Chapter 3

3

Colonel Baptista

After the bloody skirmish at SuperCon, I returned to my light-tight love nest. Donatello lay sprawled across our red-velvet couch. She was eating a box of See’s Candy presumable to restore her own blood sugar. She rested her eyes on my blood-soaked clothes and jumped to her feet.

“My liege! Oh the horror! Bloody rags!” she gasped.

I stridently walked toward the stairwell and upstairs. She trailed right behind me. I knew she was deeply concerned for her lover and master. I couldn’t stand to be in soiled, bloody clothes much longer. The horror and foulness of it all had my vampire blood boiling over in rage. I was in a bad mood and wouldn’t feel better till I was clothed in April fresh silk pajamas. Donatallo knew how much I despised messy eaters and blood droplets that stained clothes. I was a neat king and a very tidy eater – and this blood bath on my clothes would not do. I walked straight into my bedroom and whipped off the clothes in a blink of an eye and replaced them with my red and blue-stripped silk pajamas.

As Donatello stood in the doorway and watched this scene, she asked, “Now are you going to tell me?”

I paced the room back and forth like a tiger locked in a cage. “That putrid mess Wilhelm was at SuperCon,” I barked in rage and anger. “He interrupted my dinner, a sweet but tender and delicious Little Pony.”

“Wait! You ate a Little Pony?” asked Donatello.

“Yes, Baby Half Note,” I replied with a shrug.

“What? Have you gone mad?” she asked.

I grinned at her and replied, “It was a human dressed up like a Little Pony, darling.”

“Oh, oh,” she nodded and backed off.

My brother Lt. Colburn came in the room and looked from me to Donatello. “Hey bro,” he said, “You’re good?” He pulled a rabbit out of his pocket and was now sucking on the little critter.

I walked over and smacked the rabbit snack food out of his hand. “We’ve got a problem oh brother of mine. Quit sucking on furry creatures for two seconds, please.” I turned, gestured in disgust, and said, “Plus, you’ve got a disgusting drop of blood on your chin. Wipe it off!” I couldn’t bare to look at him with blood on his face.

Lt. Colburn frowned, and I could tell he wanted to pick up the dead thing off the dirty ground. I gave him a look of warning not to do it. “Um, uh, bro, what’s up?”

“Bro!” I snapped. “The zombies turned thousands of humans at SuperCon. We can’t have this holocaust on our food supply! Plus, Wilhelm is a diabolical, messy, crumbling and beastly thing I can barely stand to place my gorgeous, deep pools of beauty upon. He’s an ugly-ass, putrid, rotten, decayed, moldy, putrefied, corroded, perished, bad zombie! We can’t have these rancid creatures destroying our source of foods, now can we? Bro!”

“What are we going to do?”

I shook my head. “I think for now nothing,” he said. “The zombie fiend backed off when I yanked his eyeball out of his head and refused to give it back until he relented. Scummy, putrid foe. He knows our kind can annihilate thousands of zombie scum in mere seconds.”

Donatello grabbed Lt. Colburn and guided him toward the door. “Oh dear bro, you need to go visit the blood bank! We have business to attend to now. My master is much too agitated.”

Lt. Colburn looked down at his arm that Donatello was touching and grinned, “When are you going to ‘calm’ me down?” He reached up and massaged her hand. She giggled in her girlish way.

I was enraged. My brother just flirted with my beloved. I picked up a blue glass vase and hurled it light speed at his head. It shattered and splintered everywhere. Lt. Colburn whined, “Ow! that hurt!”

“You’ll heal, now get your hands off my lover and get out!”

Lt. Colburn moped out of the room, rubbing the back of his head. Donatello turned and came over to me. She reached down and grabbed my now raging hard-on. Then she said, “Ssshhh my king … I will love you long time.”

My anger was quelled in erotic bliss. We walked together to the bed to make the love.