Thursday, January 9, 2014

Advice from a Single Gal, Part II

Continuing my little advice column (from a woman's perspective after having read about from a man's perspective). I want to continue to provide insight I have learned from reading, experience and "hands-on experience." I have never had trouble getting men to commit to a serious relationship, which has always begged the question of what I do that other women don't do. After reading and trying different approaches I noticed certain results that work and other results that don't work ... so here we go on some new tips (remember: I will be creating a Romance blog in the near future).

The chase is on the wrong foot. I know the "rules" and some women just eschew the rules. These are the same women who don't get their guys. So something is to be said about the rules. So I have a friend whose ex-lover does the pursuit. I wanted to grab this gal and tell her the one thing every girl's mama should tell her: don't chase the guy! If your man has broken up with you realize a commitment to chase him to the Earth's end will do one clear thing: alienate him. From what I know from experience (again experience being the key), the cave man in all men still has not evolved (for the most part) to the point where guys want their women to lob them over the head with the club. Bringing your guy nonstop gifts, baking and cooking for him, dropping in on him, and setting situations up where you can see him -- no, no and double-no. Rules girls, rules! Follow the rules. Whether you have met a new man or your relationship has ended, restrain yourself. Christian Carter (the male perspective relationship expert) constantly reinforces that when a relationship ends, women make these common mistakes -- they desperately try to "win" their guy back. They exhaust themselves in the continuous "giving" to "get" him back. They focus on the problems. They endlessly discuss the relationship. And they chase, chase, chase! They build their case as to why be back. And the desperation becomes a foul stench.

Stop the chase and be the goddess again. The old cliché: if you love something set it free and if it's meant to be it will come back to you almost always applies. If the guy stops texting and calling you, let it be. If he extends the olive branch and reaches out be receptive, but most importantly don't take it as an opportunity to 1. rehash your problems or 2. persuade him to come back. Use the olive branch and the reconnection to become his goddess again and spark the attraction. If he was into you once, he can be into you again. But begging and cajoling won't do anything but reinforce why he left you in the first place. Take the opportunity to remind him what he "liked" about you.

Words of understanding: Ladies I've been there. I know it's hard to sit back and wait. It's hard and it's scary. You think maybe he won't call. Maybe he won't text. Maybe I've lost him forever. And harsh reality is maybe you have lost him. But making the mistakes I just described won't get him back for you. Yes, it's going to be a challenge to be patient; but know one important thing: If the guy really loves you and just needs space and perspective, give it to him. But truth is: if the guy doesn't come back then it's hard and it hurts, but sometimes you just have to accept it with grace. Move on and get on.

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