Friday, August 22, 2014

Five Ways Bill Doesn't Improve my Life

A funny Help a Reporter Out (HARO) query presented the story "Five Ways Cats Improve Your Life". My cat Bill is my nemesis. So as you can see I wrote the opposite. Here are the five ways Bill doesn't improve my life.

1. The trashcan isn't there to knock over and bat around garbage -- although Bill thinks it is. Any kind of trashcan within claw's reach is fair game. Whoop! All over the floor. Who picks it up? Oh yeah, I do.

2. Just because I liked it. My favorite purse. One bite and the leather strap chewed through in one place. Tied it back together. I said to my husband, "The little shit did it because he knows I love my purse." A day later: not only did he chew both ends of each side, but he severed them. Oh by the way: it was a new purse.

3. Scars on my ankles. For some reason it's A-okay to run past me and swipe my ankles. The last time he did it he left a red, bleeding slash. I think he's a serial-kittier. 

4. Scratches on my feet. What's more fun than making the bed and having a paw leap out from beneath the dust ruffle and scratch the top of my foot?

5. Cup-tipping. "Oh! There is a cup of coffee on her desk. What will it do if I just take my paw and ... push!" At one point I had so many stains around my desk the carpet was brown.

No comments:

Post a Comment