This man came into my life under false pretenses right from the beginning. In doing my research and checking, I've managed to piece together the truth. The truth didn't come from the source of the behavior, but from my own investigation. My only regret is that I didn't dig in sooner.
I let this man play, con and use me. I loved him. I would have done anything for him -- and he knew it. Yes, I kept having misgivings. Yes, my gut screamed warnings, but love is blind. Love is blind. Your heart wants what your heart wants. And thus, what I beat myself up about is not listening to my gut and letting him (as they say on the streets) "come-up" on me.
This deadly deceptive man was married and pretending to love me. He lied and asked me for money to divorce his wife. I gave him the money. The divorce never took place, but he told me it did. He told many other women the same story. I have no idea how many other women he "came-up" on and stole from. I'm sure there are more out there. I have no doubt.
But the real moral to the story: I am in recovery. I have found true love. After this criminal was exposed in my life, I began anew and the most amazing thing happened. This wonderful man appeared in my life. The most unexpected and caring man. My true soul mate and best friend.
We can stay up all night and talk and talk and talk. He makes me laugh. He's committed and readily emotionally available. He loves me and tells me nonstop. I stopped and said, "After all the women in the world, why me?" He said, "You're wonderful. You don't even know how special you are. You have that smile and light in your eyes."
I realized something important from his words. I had allowed a low-life conman to take away my self-confidence and self-worth. This man had made me feel like a big nothing. He hid me from his life. He made it seem like I was nothing but a business associate. He used me. He stole from me. But worse, his actions and behavior toward me stripped me of my confidence and worth.
So when Chris, my beautiful lover and boyfriend, showed up he started to tell me a whole different story about how he perceived me. And through his eyes I not only recognized how I had allowed this low-life-not-worth-anything ex-business associate and lover to reduce my feelings about myself down to nothing, I was finally able to see my own value again. Every day since Chris showed up, he mirrors back to me nothing but love and generosity. A desire to be true to me. We have it "firing on all four pistons". What a miracle. What a gift. We both deserve it. His life hasn't been paved with blessings either. But now we have each other.
So ladies, never, never, ever let someone steal your self-worth. Don't let anyone define you, but you. Don't let anyone steal your "mojo". Yes, this man destroyed me financially and walked away from the mess. But ultimately no one can destroy your spirit. Don't let anyone ever steal your spirit! As I have more than told this man (and know this will be true): until he does right by me, everything he touches is going to rot. Doing right by me means paying me back every cent he stole and honestly telling the truth about what he did to me. Not telling people I'm crazy or lying. He knows I'm not lying nor crazy. He knows what he did to me. So hear this now and hear me roar:
Until you do right by me everything you touch is going to rot.
And in the meantime, I'm going to rebuild every inch of my life. I'm going to be back on top and successful. And most importantly I'm happy with Chris Carter, my beautiful, sexy, thoughtful, smart, and good-hearted BIG man. I call him my Big Man. He protects and cherishes me. And I feel so fortunate.