Recent events in my life got me to thinking. Why don't I listen to my intuition like I should. First, some people will try to tell you that you don't even have an intuition. Stop right there. Want to know what is your intuition? It's the slightly uncomfortable feeling that something isn't quite right. It makes you feel uneasy and provokes you to question things more than you normally would.
being monumentally lied to for not just a short period of time, but
literally years I felt so angry. Not just with him, but mostly mad at
myself for continually chasing my little voice into a closet. The man in
question lied and lied and lied and lied until the very definition of
lying should be "his mouth is moving".
being manipulated and conned out of literally thousands of dollars, I
really was indignant. At the same time, the signs were all over the
place. So for the art of teaching others important lessons I learned at
both the expense of my bank account and emotions, here are some warning
signs that your man is a player, liar, conman, cheater, you name it. I
hope women (and men) out there pay close attention to this list, because
if it's happening to you don't roll over and take it. Leave his/her
sorry behind in the dirt and move on.
your scammer will NEVER admit he's lying, so don't count on that as a
way to get to the truth. If you want the truth, ask people who know him;
stories won't add up.
#1 The romantic partner (male or female) will not stay the night -- ever.
He (in this case) won't sleep in your bed. Makes up lame excuses for
whatever reason. Why is this important? Well, it probably means he's
either married or has another girlfriend whose bed he occupies instead.
In my case, the guy was both married and chasing skirt at the same time.
#2 Asks you for money in a way that just makes you uncomfortable he is even asking. We were both in similar professions so it would seem natural to ask about compensation. Problem is (and I'll never forget this) the person in question says it in a subtle but very manipulative way. The phrase "well, I hate to ask because it's you" didn't feel right. I remember my stomach going up my throat. It's you -- and the grift began right then and there.
#3 Never calls at night time.
Again, it's because this person isn't truly your man or woman. He is
playing house somewhere else, and when he's that "somewhere else" he
can't talk to you. Again, this man was married -- makes sense now, but I
had my own kids and life so it never really mattered. He texted though,
so it seemed acceptable.
#4 Won't go out with you at night either.
I can't tell you how many dates (and even business meetings) were
canceled because of the time of day. Lame, third-rate excuses that even
rolled down to him using his kids to hide his true activities (oh, X hit
his head on the goal post and has a concussion) ... later when I found
out that he had actually used his kids as a diversion I think that
disgusted me the most.
#5 Keeps borrowing money and not paying it back.
In this case, he "borrowed" very large sums of money. To this day, I've
never seen a dime. Again, he very lamely used his kids to con the money
out of me, which is so sickening. And when the bill came due, he used
other lies and diversions to avoid paying it. My favorite, oh the check
got delayed. Oh, it's still delayed because it was an overseas check ...
it's a small community bank ... and on and on it went. At the first
mention of the delayed check, I knew I was screwed and there went
#6 Gets upset and even more manipulative when you can't lend him more money.
Using his own health and safety as a way to manipulate me into giving
him more money, he lied that he needed the money for his kid's "future"
and was willing to seek nefarious sources if he couldn't get the money.
Naturally as any good and decent "mark" I ponied up another $1600 for
"his son's future". I'm positive his son's future was never in jeopardy
since he never (and it was confirmed) went to camp.
#7 When stories just don't add up. Listen
carefully to someone. When you start to notice little "falsehoods"
turning into consistent "falsehoods" turning into clear contradiction
(AKA lies) then imagine you've only touched the tip of the truth. When I
finally dug in and prepared myself to face the reality of all of those
lies, I had suspected that where there was a fire there was likely a
flaming mess -- I was right.
#8 Everyone else is lying. Your conman will always tell you it's them not me. The other people are bitter exes, angry, or just insane. Reality is the entire world is not dishonest -- just the person trying to say they've done no wrong. Another name for this is called deflection.
#9 In the end your conman will fly the coup as fast as he flew in when the "jig is up".
He will own no personal responsibility for conning you out of money by
manipulating your good heart. He will say everyone else is the problem
not him. He won't own up to the lies (as deep as they go) and will
figure out how to squeeze the last drops out of the game. My boyfriend
now calls this, "Riding the ride till the wheels fall off."
when the dust settles and you realize this guy is probably explaining
your "break up" or "parting of the ways" to those who even care to ask,
he will likely say it was your fault. You're crazy. You're whatever.
Even though it will add the final salt to the wound, walk away and stay
the end my conman got so much money for his lies it's gross. He even
managed $5,000 out of me to help pay for a so-called divorce from his
current wife that never happened. I have no idea what he used that and
another $5,000 he drained me for, but if you want to move and not get
sucked further into negative stuff, walk away and stay away. It will be
hard, and it was hard. He was my so-called best friend and lover for
almost 5 years, but I knew the day I slammed the phone down for the last
time that the hurt was subside and life would go on. As it has done.
close to me know who this man is. If you know this man, read this blog
carefully if he's in constant touch with you. The writing is on the
blog. Protect yourself. Protect your loved ones. Protect your bank
As for me, I
appreciated what my new man said, "Don't blame yourself for loving him.
He used your love to get what he wanted. And in the end he's the biggest
loser or all -- he lost YOU."