Do These Things and a Lifetime of Love is Guaranteed

Since I got divorced in 2012, I have been on a personal journey to find not just love, but true love a la Cinderella style. I know many "feminists" are not going to like what I have to say in this article. I'm not trying to please anyone or make a political statement. I'm going to talk about what is basic to relationships and love. I've reached these conclusions not by reading books, which I have read many self-help books, but by experience. 

I will start with some points (these are points not rules).  

Looking to be completed by a man, forget about it? I'm not looking for the "you-complete-me" line -- and I'm not thinking I would want to hear it. Looking outside of yourself for completion has nothing to do with real love. If you look outside instead of inside you're very likely to never feel peace of mind. Although I don't like telling women what has become the "bubblegum" advice from dating sites, which is like Field of Love Dreams: build your life and he shall come (I'll get into that in a moment). I'm not suggesting to not build your own life, but I am saying that's not the "formula" for cementing your love life. Formulas often have nothing to do with real life. 

Needy this, needy that -- I am bored hearing all about "don't be needy." Okay, we know -- don't be needy. What is needy? Reality is that sometimes we're needy! And there is nothing wrong with needing your boyfriend's love and support. My daughter recently got sick and my guy stepped right in to make sure I was okay. Was it needy just wanting some support? No! 

I think the word needy really needs to be redefined somehow. Maybe it should be changed to don't be "crazy" stalker man or woman or just plain "out-of-control" person. I'll give you a better definition of what not to be that really should be defined as "needy" (if you still want to use that particular bubblegum word ... by the way, bubblegum words are the commercial equivalents to nonsense words or popular vernacular that has now been overused and become trite. 

Here is what so-called neediness should be defined as... out of control, can't stop texting, paranoid ... How do you keep from getting stuck into that category? It's super easy if you remember one important thing:

Dating and love is supposed to be fun!

I went out with a guy ONCE. We had a great first date. We talked, danced, and had a wonderful dinner. We ended up kissing on a romantic bridge that overlooked this river. It was very romantic. It ended with the agreement to go out again. The next day, what happened? He blew my phone up in nonstop texts, analyzing our first date. I was out shopping with my daughter. I told him so, and I couldn't talk. It didn't stop him. He continued on his paranoid rant, and before the dating had even begun, he was fired. He had ruined any possibility of seeing me again. All because he couldn't control his feelings and fears -- that friends is needy! He had wrung the "fun" right out of the entire experience. 

Okay, so I've addressed two popular bubblegum dating advice lines I read or hear about nonstop. Now I'm going to give you some shorthand on why I now have the love of my life and why it's so amazing. Again, many feminists are going to wag their fingers here, but who cares. Are you in an unhappy relationship or marriage? Have you read every relationship book on the shelf and yet you're either still alone or together and miserable? What I'm going to tell you, I know women who don't feel they should have to do these things are going to fight back. "I'm too tired." "I have kids and play dates and work." "Why doesn't he do that or this?" "Why should it all be on me?"

If you fired back with any of those questions or protests, I'm going to share two important things:

1. Yes, relationships are work.

2. Yes, if you do what I'm going to tell you, you'll get in return what you need -- whether it's more romance, more attention, more help, more kisses, whatever, you will get it. 

Now I don't have a degree in psychology or counseling, etc. I've got a degree in life experience (and believe me, I've had some nasty experiences just like I'm sure you have too). 

No. 1 -- go to the adult store and invest in sexy lingerie. YES! I said it -- the forbidden advice all feminists hate. I recently purchased some great lingerie and joked to the cashier, "If all women bought more lingerie there would be fewer divorces." The cashier wholly agreed. Now ladies, it's not about the lingerie itself. It's about understanding one thing: men are VISUAL creatures AND men are basic -- food, sex and sports (not necessarily in that order). 

No. 2 -- make every sexual encounter with your husband or boyfriend an exciting, fun experience. Please don't treat it like a chore. If you have a date night scheduled, then vamp it up. Create an exciting fantasy, seduce him. Yes, do this weekly! Again, don't make the excuses about being too tired or the kids, etc. I said from the beginning these efforts would bulletproof your relationship. 

Why do these two things alone bulletproof your relationship? I said it, men are simple creatures. Sex is important to a healthy relationship. It keeps you connected. You can't be angry with someone you're touching and loving? Intimacy is the tie that binds. Next time you're fighting, lower your voice, and touch your mate's arm in a tender way. That move alone will take it down a notch. 

Creating fun, exciting fantasies also creates a connected relationship. You develop your own language and private speak. I recently shared with a good friend our "love speak" and she laughed that her and her man were the same way. P.S., she treats her relationship the same way I do. Guess what? They're both super happy and in love for years. 

Try this one: when you make love, lock eyes the whole time. If you want to feel super close to your mate, that one is a winning way to connect. Keep your eyes open when you kiss each other. Doing the "eye-lock" technique is an amazing way to feel deeply intimate.  

I'm going to keep writing these articles. I've been wanting to share this information. I see so many unhappy couples. I've suffered through a divorce. I've dated many different men, and in Jan 2018 I met the love of my life. We've had some problems, yes. But as I've gone through the experience of giving him all of these things I've described, I've found how it deepened our connection. How every time we're together I go out of my way to create romantic, beautiful dates and scenarios. And how he responds in-kind. And that's the point: your man will give back to you when you give to him with this kind of loving experience. Most importantly, we're having a blast. We're always laughing and enjoying our adventures. 

Yes, it's work. Yes, it takes effort. The real question, do you want a close, intimate and happy relationship? Follow my advice for a month or two and just see what happens.