Monday, May 30, 2016

The Beauty of the Unexpected

This blog is dedicated to Christopher L. Carter. The man who calls me Fay Rey to his King Kong.

I want to write about my love story with the man in my life. I keep thinking about how he has become this unexpected yet beautiful blessing. Then I wonder maybe if I share my experience in how I finally found the "right" love not just another lover other singles in search of love might learn something. 

I've always dated a "type" of guy. My attraction to creative and intelligent men is what you might call my peccadillo. Creativity and artistic genius turn me on like nothing else. In my last love affair I was so intrigued with my lover's artistic abilities. It excited me. 

Well after a four-year love affair ended in the most negative way possible (he lied, cheated and conned money out of me), I took a deep breath. I am 50-years-old and the years ahead are beginning to be fewer than the years behind. Upon turning 50 I realized I was no closer to my personal goals than I was five years ago. It was time to take a good, hard look at myself -- a personal inventory if you will.

I took a few weeks to just be quiet, be still, and think. I had to start the mourning process of letting my former lover go. I had to realize that I felt tremendous grief, especially under the circumstances. The man I thought I knew never existed -- it was all one big treacherous lie. I still feel tremendous grief that still hits me in waves. Sometimes I'll see something that reminds me of him and tears just start spilling. Yet I realized too the importance of grieving and letting go. Feeling that grief. Feeling and releasing the tears and pain. When you have not just a break up, but a complete break down of the reality that was never anything but lies, it turns all of your memories upside down. I will probably deal with the aftermath of the situation for a long time to come.

Yet as I was grieving I realized once more than I couldn't keep hiding from developing a personal life. I slowly emerged back onto the single scene and when I did so I almost immediately met Chris. But in meeting him I had to open my heart to something completely different. I had to set aside my so-called peccadillo and think of the possibilities of someone who wasn't set in my typical mold. 

Chris is this huge teddy bear with tattoos up both arms. He's three times my size. When I laid eyes on him in person I was overwhelmed and thought, "Oh my! He's BIG!" We sat down and started talking and within minutes he had me laughing till my stomach hurt. The entire restaurant was watching us, because we were consumed in laughter. He is a tremendous storyteller and like my lust for intelligence over brawn, I suddenly found myself with both! 

Now here we are ... happy and in love. He says it was love at first sight. For me it was totally unique. He won me over with his heart, sense of humor, brilliance, but most importantly his ability to understand me -- and what at that moment in time came along with me. He has an MA in behavioral psychology, which is a bonus. He understands the hurt and trauma I've gone through. He knows to never take some of my anxiety as personal to him. 

The lesson learned: give someone you might think isn't your type a chance. You just never know

I used to think the lover who hurt me the most was the love of my life. But someone who really loves you would never, ever do some of the terrible things the other guy did. But that's okay! Because I got to the other side and now I have the true love of my life. If love can be measured in the pleasure of tremendous laughter, friendship, and unconditional acceptance then I came out the other side the true winner in this game of life. 


  1. Beautiful, heartened to be a witness, even in this small way, to your process and to your discovery of a whole new kind of love. May you and Chris continue to grow together in love and in life!

  2. Love this blog :) I am happy that you found someone that knows YOU and you are happy! It is good to see!

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